Free I Love You, Always by Natalie Ward Page A

calling me to find out where I am. I have no doubt they will and I’m certain that there’s not a chance in hell I can convince Ash to come to the club with me. So tonight, I’m staying in, with her.
    As I flick through her movie collection, I can’t help but laugh. The girl’s got a thing for vampires, that’s for sure, but she has some really cool movie series as well. All of the Kevin Smith movies are here; the Fast and Furious set too, the Bonds and the Bourne movies. I gotta hand it to her, she’s got good taste; there isn’t a single movie in here that I wouldn’t watch.
    We end up watching Blade and by the time we get through the first movie, I’m already down and loading the second. In the end, we watch the whole trilogy, drinking a bunch of beers, but having a good time. Ash is not drowning her sorrows tonight, she is laughing and I think she’s enjoying herself. I feel relieved that I took a chance and came over here today, and skipping the party to stay was the best decision I’ve made. By the time we are done, she’s yawning and I know I should let her go to bed. Reluctantly pushing off the couch to go, I turn to her and say, “I guess I should make a move.”
    Ash glances outside and I see her visibly tense. “I don’t think you should go out in that, Luke, why don’t you just stay here for the night.”
    I’m fucking speechless. I mean I know she’s only asking me to stay with her and not with her, but I’m curious as to why she’s suggesting it. “Are you sure?” I ask, even though inside my head, I’m screaming yes.
    “Yeah, I’m sure,” she whispers, standing up.
    I don’t know what to say. I want to ask her why, but at the same time, I don’t want to give her a chance to change her mind about this, so I just nod and watch as she walks off to grab me some blankets for the couch. We say goodnight, Ash thanking me for today, even though in my mind, it was nothing at all.
    When she disappears into her room, I wander around the living room, restless. I’ve got no chance of going to sleep right now; I’m too amped up. On the other side of the door, I know Ash must be getting undressed and sliding into bed. And there’s a huge part of me that would just love to walk into that room, crawl into bed with her and do anything but sleep. But I can’t, I know that. It’s just being here, in her home, surrounded by all of her things, and no one else, it’s got me on edge.
    I wander over to take a closer look at the photos she has up on the walls again. I see pictures of her and what must be her brother, they look so much alike. There’s another girl with them sometimes, and I’m guessing that’s her brother’s girlfriend. There are also photos of Ash and her brother and what must be their dad, none of their mom though and I can’t help but wonder where she is. And of course, there is the obvious photo. In fact there are more of them than anything else. Photos of Ash and what, I’m guessing, were the boyfriend . As I look at them all, I can’t help but feel a pang of jealousy. Not because this guy has his arm wrapped around her or is kissing her cheek or staring at her as though he’s totally in love with her. I’m jealous because of how Asha looks in all of these photos. How incredibly happy she is and how different it is to now. How obvious it is that this guy made her this happy.
    I want to be able to make her smile like that. It’s all I’ve ever wanted to do, ever since I met her and although she’s started doing it, I realise now I’m not seeing her real smile, not even close to it. I’ve never seen the version of Ash who is up on these walls, immortalised with all of the people she clearly loves and who loved her in return. I’ve only seen a shadow of that woman and I’m wondering whether I will ever get to see her as these people did.
    And that’s what makes me jealous.
    But at the same time, determined. Determined to make her smile like that again.

Track 8 (A