Free Flat-Out Matt by Jessica Park Page A

Celeste after their mother's severe depression surfaced was more than Matt was able to do. Finn was better. At everything. With everybody. “Mostly because of the issues with my mother. He was always the hero. That wasn't easy for me, I guess.”
    “Celeste thinks you're a hero. Don't you see how she looks at you? She adores you.”
    “Not the way she adores Finn. It's different. I do the boring stuff. I get her to school, feed her, help her with homework, worry about her. I'm no Finn, that's for sure. He's never given a crap about real life. He cares about fun and horsing around. When my mother was away—that's what we call it, away— Finn entertained Celeste, got her laughing, made her wild and free like him. I took care of what needed to be done, and he got all the credit. That's how it's always been.” Finn always got the glory , Matt thought. He was showy and theatrical and wonderful. Matt was good at organization and logistics, neither of which fostered admiration from a little girl. Or maybe anyone.
    “You don't sound as though you like Finn all that much.”
    “On the contrary. He's incredible. He's vivacious and relaxed and unrestrained. Finn gets to do everything I don't, and I envy him.” Even after death, Finn's online persona was certainly having a much better time than Matt was.
    “So Celeste used to be more like Finn?” Julie asked.
    “She did,” Matt said softly. It hurt, remembering Celeste when she was spirited and nearly irrepressible in wonderful ways. Matt wasn't able to save that part of her.
    “I think she's doing better, don't you? A little bit? She pitched a fit because I couldn't find the second season of Glee the other day. I think that's a good sign.”
    “What is Glee ?” Matt didn't understand half of Julie's references.
    “Don't worry about it. It's a good thing. And she's asking for trendy clothes for Christmas and wants me to take her shopping too.”
    “So she's becoming devoid of individuality? Exactly what I hoped for.”
    “Shut up. These are good things. Flat Finn is getting another round of hinges in a few weeks. Celeste gave me the go-ahead. Matty, don't you see how much she needs to fit in and needs friends? Can you imagine how desperately lonely she must be?”
    “I can.” Matt sighed. Julie could give Celeste what he couldn't. He knew nothing about this kind of stuff. “You're probably better for her than I am.”
    “But you do really important stuff. She needs someone like you to take care of her. Your mother is…having a hard time too, I think.”
    Matt nodded. Julie was starting to understand too much about this household. Maybe that was a good thing. Maybe it would bring them all closer to the truth. And maybe it would destroy them all. “I know. She is having a horrible time. Both my parents are. Why do you think she and my father are out of the house so much? They can't stand to be here.” Damn it. He could feel his eyes welling up and hoped that Julie couldn't see. The way she could get to him like no one else could was both hated and much needed. Matt ran his hands through his hair. “Julie, I'm tired. I don't want to be Celeste's parent. I can't.”
    There. He had done it. Confessed one of the most painful truths of the aftermath. He was ashamed at how much he resented the role he had been forced to take on.
    Neither of them said anything for a few minutes.
    Although he couldn't take much more of this conversation, he did sense something: Julie had just healed a little piece of his pain. The way she could gently access parts of him that he’d pushed away for so long stunned him.
    “Gee, this lying under the tree routine is really turning out to be fun, isn't it? Aren’t you glad you're here?” As she always did, Julie knew when to pull back. It was exactly what she'd been doing with Celeste: pushing just far enough to elicit change without going too far. She was good at so much that Matt was not.
    Another deep breath and another long exhale.