Free Secrets She Kept by Cathy Gohlke

platter of sandwiches and a kettle of something that smelled like heaven, making my stomach rumble again.
    “Mother’s cod stew.” He set the platter and warm kettle on the kitchen table. “You know she cooks enough to feed armies. She wanted you all to have some.”
    “They’re not here. There’s no one here but me.” I didn’t know what else to say   —was afraid to say more lest the tears shoot up and spill out again. So I shook my head, just shook my head, but it wouldn’t stop.
    “Lieselotte, my little Lieselotte.” Lukas pulled me into his arms. “It’s all right. It will be all right.”
    “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I slapped you. I don’t know   —”
    “It’s all right. I’m still here, you see? If you’re going to slap someone, let it be me. I’m a safe person to whollop   —but only for you.” And he tweaked my fallen braid.
    I laughed. I couldn’t help but laugh, and pulled away, wiping my eyes. “Same old Lukas.”
    “Better, and no harm done.” He smiled, pulling off his coat.
    “No uniform? Aren’t you all marching in some parade tonight?”
    “ Nein   —well, yes, our unit. Rudy is there. I told them I have essential work tonight.”
    “With your father?”
    “Eating this good soup with you.”
    “Lukas, they won’t like   —you’ll get into trouble. You’ll   —”
    “It will be all right. I saw your father with a group from the Party. He and Dr. Peterson are not likely to be home before the parade. I thought this would give us a chance to talk.”
    “With me?” Mutti had just been buried, but the knowledge that Lukas wanted to talk with me made my heart beat faster, made the blood that had seemed so still in my veins an hour before rush through them.
    He pulled me to a seat at the table, holding both my hands. “I should have told you what happened. I should have found a way to thank you and your mother for your help that night.”
    “Why didn’t you?”
    “I thought I was protecting you, protecting her. The less you know about . . . anything, the safer it is for you.”
    “You’re a Hitler Youth member now. You do what Rudy does. He hurt   —”
    “ Nein , Lieselotte. I wear the uniform because I must. I am not one of them. You must know this.”
    I had known, at least had begged in my heart that he was not one of them, but I’d needed to hear him say it. How I’d needed to hear him say it! “What happened to Herr Weiss and his family?”
    “We got them across the border.”
    ‘“We?’”
    “Who doesn’t matter.”
    “It matters to me.”
    But he ignored me. “Your mother’s coat saved their lives. The nights turned bitter. They slept in your shed one night, then in ditches two more. Had it not been for the fur, the children might have frozen. Your mother saved them. You saved them.”
    The wonder of having helped to save a life   —several lives   —stole mybreath. It gave meaning to Mutti’s sacrifice, to the danger of lying to Vater and to Rudy. “Have you saved more? More Jews?”
    Lukas sat back. He pulled his hands from mine and the warmth was gone. I wanted him to take them up again, but I wanted even more to know. “It’s not something I can talk about.”
    “Are you afraid I will report you? I would never!”
    Very quietly he said, “You almost gave me away today. You almost gave all of us away.”
    He was right, so very right. “I’m sorry. It will not happen again, if you’ll only   —”
    “It is not a game to play. It is not   —”
    “Not for children? Is that what you think, that I am a child not to be trusted?”
    “I didn’t say that. Of course I trust you. It’s just not so simple. There are other lives   —not only my own   —at risk. I cannot talk about anything, for their sakes.”
    “I could help. I could help again.”
    “ Nein. It is too dangerous.”
    “No one would suspect me. I can   —”
    “ Nein . Lieselotte, your father is a ranking member of the Nazi Party, and with the