Free The Body Language Rules by Judi James Page A

you what a nice, decent sort of person you are and how much they want to be your friend .

    Showing is a body language thing, then . Your overall signals will take care of the showing . Your hand gestures and eye contact will act as endorsements to your message . g e S T U Re S 77

    Now: a guide to body language excellence . It's basic but it's easy to do . Any time used will be time invested but I don't expect it to break into your day too much .

    A guide To youR oveRAll Body lAnguAge signAling Let's take a general look at your body language signals and divide them into useful and nonuseful "types ." This is to help you identify different sets of gestures and under- stand when you're using positive or negative nonverbal communications . Remember, the worst thing is to allow your signals to run along unchallenged .

    PhySIOLOgIcAL SIgnALS These are all those body signals that you're almost powerless to control, like blushing, blotchy nerve rashes, sweating, and shaking or trembling . Although these symptoms have a certain amount of comic value, they're no laughing matter when you're suffering from them .

    They are all caused by the power of your mind controlling your body . Although they're all quite natural, they're only supposed to occur in the face of physical danger . They're caused by adrenalin and that rush of energy you get as an animal when you're threatened by a bigger animal . It's your fight-or-flight mechanism kicking in, but it's your fight-or-flight response being rather overzealous, 78 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

    especially if it's triggered by a first date or a meeting with the boss .

    Excessive sweating has caused problems for a lot of politicians and TV celebrities . Former Prime Minister Tony Blair had a famous case of patches on the shirt during a keynote speech a few years ago, and several acres of rainforest went under the axe as newspapers discussed the whys of the PM getting so damp . Was it stress? Was it nerves? Perhaps it was nothing more than very hot lights or a warm room .

    I've seen hundreds of businesswomen break out in neck blotches when put under pressure . Do businessmen suffer the same problem? Who knows, they're muffled to the beard line with collars and ties . Perhaps they're gleaming crimson underneath, but the point is you'd never know, and that's a key tip for women to remember: if you know you get blotchy on a regular basis, then try wearing higher necklines .

    helPful TiPs The best way to deal with anxiety symptoms like these is to go to the source of the problem . Stress management techniques will help, but the optimum cure is to work on your inner confidence and your perceptions of external stimuli . Very few scenarios that produce sweating or shaking are life-threatening, they just feel as if they are . g e S T U Re S 79

    Remember that your body is only trying to be helpful; it's the messages from your brain to your body that are causing the problem . I like to call this my "inner diva," a classic case of the drama queen who overreacts to any situation in a bid to get maximum attention .

    The problem with your inner diva is that once she's kicked off she's self-perpetuating . She starts all the sweating, trembling, and blotchiness in motion and then goes off on an even bigger hissy fit about the chaos she's caused to your body . After a few minutes you're sweating about the sweating!

    Here are some excellent techniques to shut the diva down .

    I Use mental affirmations . One that I teach in stress

    courses is: "It's not a lion ." It links to the thought

    that although your situation might be important,

    it's not a matter of life and death; you're not being

    pursued by a man-eating lion . Make up your own

    affirmation and repeat it in your head as a mantra

    to create calm .

    I Breathing exercises will help . Breathe in through your

    nose until your lungs are at full capacity, then

    breathe out slowly via your mouth, allowing your

    body to empty and relax