Free 100 Unfortunate Days by Penelope Crowe

and it would hurt and then I would cry out and he would kiss where it hurt. He would ask if I was thirsty and after I fell asleep he would cover me because I would fall asleep naked and he would know that eventually I would get cold. He would not be hungry for days because he loved me so much. He would pray for me before he went to sleep at night and he would never kiss another.

Day 75
    How many pieces of jewelry with birthstones do you have? Take them all out and put one on at night right before you go to sleep, because all gems have a life in them and if you wear the wrong one and it could hurt you. Wear it to bed and remember your dreams. If you do not have a dream you are fine, unless someone tells you that you were sleepwalking or you screamed in your sleep—then that is not the stone for you.
    Although opals are beautiful, even if you love them, you probably should not wear them to bed because the stone is lit from within by the devil. It will also take some of your energy to keep it glowing and bright. Wear it now and then but do not leave it on always or you will wither. Rubies are good to wear, especially in the winter, and especially with yellow gold.

Day 76
    I think you can change the way you taste. I believe fruit was created sweet and delicious for this reason. I think we should eat a lot of it and we will taste sweet too. Eat fruit for a whole day, or two days—nothing but fruit and then go down on each other.

Day 77
    I don’t think I believe in love anymore or maybe I am incapable of love. I really don’t want any relationships—I just want to be admired or known for something and left alone. Maybe I would surprise myself and do well with someone who I am madly in love with and who can be madly in love with me—but that is not what I have. I have a relatively poor semblance of a marriage. There is nothing to sink your teeth into.
    There are no conversations that go beyond sports or goofy stories. I used to feel things and believe in rapture and joy. Now I don’t. I feel sorry for kids who are just getting into relationships—they have no idea. Hormones are everything. Your body finds someone it can reproduce with and then all you can think of for months and months is wrapping your legs around that person and swallowing them up. Then your hormones decline a bit, and if you are lucky you chose a decent person and you can be happy together and be friends and love to be with each other. Or you can come out of your pheromone fog and realize you picked a great one for a pretty baby, but a bad one to love.
    As for me, maybe I can’t love honestly. Maybe I am too needy and my expectations were so high that my relationships were doomed from the start. So now my personal guardian angel is getting worn out—or maybe it has been worn out for some time and this is why I’m having such a hard time. It’s funny to think angels actually exist. And if they do, they may have personalities just like we humans do. Some people must get really good ones and they help the person with their potential and keep them out of trouble and are always alert. But what if you get one like me, relatively sickly and depressed, and quite incapable of doing a good job because you are too tied up in yourself?
    Supposedly angels have a hierarchy—seraphim, cherubim and so on. Some are higher ranked than others. What happens to the people who get the lowliest of angels? Were those all the people in the World Trade Centers on 9/11? What about the women who get raped? How about all the people across the world who are starving to death right now—or being beaten by their husbands, or tortured by a harsh government? Is it because they are forsaken, or do their angels suck? I can’t understand how life can be beautiful…if you have any answers or insight, please contact me…

Day 78
    I am twenty-two days away from publishing this and I wonder who will read it. I wonder who will connect with this and if anyone will understand it at all. I