Free Forgive Me by Ashley Beale

possible. Yeah, that part was no so smooth, but very much needed.
    Within twenty minutes, everyone Faith invited has arrived except for Justin and Rease. This includes my dad and Torin, who both have ignored me even more so than Bray and Zander. It’s fine, because my taste buds have made no choice in the fact of getting used to the beer, and I’m now guzzling down my fourth one.
    Just as everyone is starting a buffet line, I head indoors to use the bathroom. The second I get inside, I start mumbling to myself about how much bullshit this all is. This is ridiculous. I could have made this right a near decade ago, and I didn’t. I was scared of my mom, scared of what people would think, scared of being cut off from the little support I did have. I was scared of so much. All that fear I had has nothing on what I feel now.
    I’m not only scared of everything, but I’m heartbroken. I’m weak. I’m embarrassed. I’m sad. I’m lonely. And even with all that, I’m a horrible person still.
    Mid-stream while peeing, the door opens and I try my best to cover up to no avail. The door slams and I look over to the most pissed off looking bull I’ve ever seen. “Do you mind?” I yell.
    “No, not at fucking all.” I watch as he works his jaw back and forth.
    Using my finger, I make a twirl in the air, asking him to turn around. He reluctantly listens to me, steam blowing out of his ears, and I quickly wipe. The second my shorts are back in place, I tell him its fine to turn around, making sure I give a little attitude for interrupting my privacy like that.
    He doesn’t just turn to face me, but he storms towards. I may as well be waving a red flag, begging for him to charge directly at me. That is how I feel. No, I actually feel more like a rodeo clown, playing around with the bull. Pissing him off more. Wanting to get him caged, but knowing its no use.
    “Za-za,” I clear my throat and start over. “Zander.” There, that’s better. “You couldn’t wait three minutes, or knock, or something?”
    “Do you think I’m some kind of idiot?” His heated glaze stares me dead in my own eyes and I feel two inches tall. I can see all the muscles in his gorgeous body tense and move, as his flared nostrils inhale and exhale short, curt breaths.
    I don’t want to go and assume anything- you know what they say about assuming- so I play it dumb. Yeah, either way, I guess I’m making an ass out of me. Out of us. Great, just great. “Of course not.” I honestly don’t know what more to say.
    His hand flies out into the direction of the closed door. “Your son arrived.”
    I swallow the lump of panic forming in my throat and try to think of a million and one ways to get the hell out of this situation, but I can’t. I just nod my head, and give a simple remark. “Thanks for letting me know. I should go say hi.”
    I try to go around but his arm comes out, stopping me in my tracks. “Lexi,” he spits my name in my ear. The tone he uses hurts. It breaks down a barrier. It reminds me, once again, just how horrible of a person I really am.
    “Zander.” His name comes out in a near whimper. I’m sure he knows just how damn terrified I am. I’m not terrified of his anger though, no, I’m terrified of what he is thinking of me right now. What he is thinking of his son. Our son.
    “How old is he? Huh?” He grabs my left hand, examining it with his thumb and pointer finger. “You’ve never been married.” It’s a fact, not a question. “You sure as hell didn’t adopt him. He has your eyes and ears.” In a different circumstance, I’m sure I’d laugh that he just compared our ears, but I don’t. I can’t.
    My lip starts to quiver as I attempt to answer but nothing comes out.
    “When the fuck were you going to tell me?” His lips are so close to my ear, they both start ringing and immediately pulsate after. My heart feels as though its in my stomach right now. My hands are shaking and my knees are weak. My legs are