Free The Housewife Assassin's Guide to Gracious Killing by Josie Brown

and Morton stay over on the first night you and Dad and Trisha are at that big shindig up the hill?” Jeff’s question is delivered with his secret weapon: puppy dog eyes.
    He looks just like Carl does—I mean did—after we had sex.
    How can I say no to him?
    The least I can do is try. The last thing Aunt Phyllis needs while babysitting Mary and Jeff is two more ten-year-old boys raising all sorts of hell around the house.
    I shake my head. “ No. Absolutely not.” 
    “But, Mom, why not?” Jeff whines. “Trisha will be gone, too, so it shouldn’t be any trouble for Aunt Phyllis.”
    “I’m sure Aunt Phyllis will welcome more bonding time with you and Mary.”
    Aunt Phyllis shrugs. “Nah, I’ll be bored out of my gourd. All Mary does is yap on her cell phone. Besides, how many times can I whup Jeff at Diablo III?”
    Jeff winces when he hears that. “Oh yeah? Well, I bet you can’t beat Morton.”
    A devious smile lights up Aunt Phyllis’s face. “You’re on. In fact, I’ll bet a five note, from each of you.”
    I’m outnumbered again. No surprise there.
    This turn in the conversation is enough to tear Mary away from her ceaseless texting. “If Jeff is having a sleepover, can I have one, too?”
    I shake my head adamantly “No! Absolutely, positively not!”
    “Jeff gets to have his dweeby friends over, and I can’t? Dad, please tell Mom she’s not being fair!”
    Jack looks up from his computer. He’s been trying to bone up on the latest catchphrases being tossed around by the international financial community. Last night he tried a few of them on me. I got him to stop when I pointed out that terms like “financial repression” and “quantitative easing” weren’t exactly the kind of naughty talk that put me in the mood. To minimize any risk to hot hanky-panky, he quickly shut his yap, and instead we engaged in some high-frequency trading of kisses and foreplay maneuvers. In no time at all, the velocity of interconnection between us led to a thorough and fully satisfying systematic inclusion, which left us both panting. 
    “Now, that was one insider trading violation,” I gasped.
    I guess I’m picking up some of the lingo after all. Pays to stay after school with teacher.
    Until teacher sells you out. 
    “What… a sleepover? I don’t mind, Mary, honey—if it’s okay with Aunt Phyllis, of course.”
    Aunt Phyllis gives Jack a thumbs-up. “Sure, the more, the merrier!”
    I give up. Time to pack my overnight bag.
    As I walk past him, Jack murmurs in my ear, “Hey, I don’t know about you, but I could use a little hyperinflation.” 
    I wave him off as I head toward the stairs. “After that selloff? Dream on.” 
     

    By the time we get to Lion’s Lair, already twenty of the twenty-two heads of state have arrived, as well as CEOs of the five largest international media conglomerates, and representatives from eight of the world’s largest financial institutions.
    POTUS won’t be arriving for another three days, whereas Asimov’s helicopter will be here any moment now. Everyone is getting ready for the black-tie dinner to welcome him.
    Hopefully, the other two assassins won’t also be in attendance.
    The sooner we find out where they are, the better. Arnie has been able to download the summit’s guest room manifest. Audio bugs are in the floral bouquets that have been placed in the rooms of guests who are staffers of the heads of state. Despite the guards’ face-to-eye scan vetting of all guests, vendors and staff, Acme’s facial photographic analysis software has yet to make a match to the visages of the two hard men still on the loose. 
    The Breck’s au pair, Antoinette, immediately takes Trisha in hand. As far as Trisha is concerned, she’s in My Little Pony heaven. For the next few days, we’ll be just an afterthought.
    How convenient. Our bedroom suite is on the same floor and wing as Breck’s master bedroom and  office.  
    As I get out of the shower, I notice