Free Heights of Desire by Mara White

of their game.
    “No te creas, Mamá, esa se va a quedar conmigo pa’ siempre, ya tu verás.”
    Jaylee’s optimism makes my stomach turn. Not because I don’t want to be with him forever, but because it’s so very delusional. It makes me feel like we’re playing make-believe. The truth, as it stands right now, is that I’m not willing to throw away everything I have for this man. There is no long-term future for us. We can only enjoy each other in the moment. I can adore his body. I can exist within this incendiary attraction. Jaylee wanting me back is enough fulfillment for a lifetime of desire. That is my realistic forever.
    Jaylee wipes his mouth on a napkin and stands. He comes behind me to put his hands on my shoulders. He’s even more physically affectionate with me in front of his family. His grandmother is still teasing him about me being more than he can handle. I’ve lost track of the conversation and surrendered momentarily to melancholy. Jaylee kneads his fingers into my flesh and the doubt all but disappears. He seems to intuit my mood. His touch makes my blood run hot. He leans down and kisses my neck. I can’t bring my eyes to look up to see if they’re watching. His escalating touch sends shivers in waves throughout my body. My mind wanders to the bedroom that I know is just down the hall. The memory of his desperation, the abandonment of convention – of any fucking foreplay – the missing first kiss that became his mouth crushing mine and biting me. I’m embarrassed to be so affected by him in front of his family. Our age difference is shockingly magnified in this situation.
    When we leave I address both women and tell them I’d love to have them over to my house sometime. I almost slip and add ‘to see the girls.’ It feels so natural to say and suddenly Ada and Pearl become something that I have to hide. I hate it. Janet offers me an awkward handshake and an icy stare. Gladys wraps her arms around me and thumps me on the back before kissing my cheek.
    Jaylee jumps the entire first flight of stairs on the way down and smiles at me from below, his arms outstretched. I descend slowly and fall into them. He still jumps around like a kid. This is why my children adore him. The kiss he envelops me in, however, is not childish and catapults me into a welcome heat. His kiss obliterates the tension of the meal and the stress of having our differences on display. It only takes a second of being in his arms to remind me that I belong here, with him. I’ve never met a man that’s had the power to undo me with a single kiss. A spontaneous fever heat besieges me from head to toe. I’m more turned on than I’m willing to admit.
    “You the first girl I ever brought home. Ma don’t know how to act. It’s not you,” he says in apology.
    “Oh, I’m sure it is me,” I tell him. “But I don’t blame her. She’s protecting you. I’d do the exact same thing.”
    “Maybe you the one that needs protecting,” Jaylee says, sliding his hand down my back and grabbing my ass aggressively. He nibbles my lower lip and then pulls back staring into my eyes. My adrenaline is triggered and it flushes through my body. It’s not fear but rather the intense attraction that begets this response in me. No relationship this volatile can last. It’s bound to explode and burn. If I give up my life for him, when the passions fizzles I’ll be like Cinderella at midnight. The sheath of desire falls away to reveal my life in shambles around me. There I am, with nothing. No Jaylee, no Robert, no family.
    I return his kiss harder and more desperate than before. I want to capture the time we have. I want to give myself to him. I wrap my arms around him and melt into his body. I can’t get enough. His hand travels over my sex and I groan with longing. I want him inside of me. I’m in awe of his ability to ignite me like this. I grab his hardness through his jeans and he tongues deeply and gently into my mouth.
    “You