Free o 922034c59b7eef49 by Allison Wettlaufer

facing James now. His features are tense, almost distorted. It's amazing how
    someone so handsome can make himself look so ugly.
    I feel drained. I feel empty. But I don't feel scared.
    “James,” I say. “You don't need to start rumors about me. Because no one will believe you. You don't need to pick fights. Because even if you beat someone up, you can't change anything. And you don't need me. Because I will never be your stuffed animal.”
    James is looking at me as if I'm a small, annoying child. “This all happened because of me,” I continue. “Because I was stupid enough to trust you. But I'm not making that mistake anymore.”
    I look James in the eye. I wait for him to react.
    When he doesn't, I turn away.
    “Let's get out of here,” I say.
    I walk out of the garage and toward the car. To my surprise, everyone else is following me.
    Including James.
    “Wait,” he calls out.
    I look back. Some of the others don't.
    “You're right,” James says. “I'm sorry. I did the wrong thing. I really, really lost it.”
    I nod. Isabel and I climb into the car.
    “Yeah,” I say out the window. “You did.”
    Sat 1/17
    Nbook, I can't believe five days have passed since I last wrote.
    My excuse? Homework, I guess. Exhaustion.
    Also, I'm so tired of bad news. And the week is full of it. I guess I just don't want to depress you.
    But I feel the urge to write again, Nbook. Hope you don't mind.
    First I'll let Linda's card speak for itself.

    The only positive thing I can say, Nbook, is that Mikey seemed really happy when we visited.
    But as of Wednesday, he and Linda are in places where no one can find them.
    I search the newspapers every day for reports of Linda's case. But I haven't read anything that resembles it.
    I know I may not ever see them again, Nbook. But that doesn't keep me from thinking about them. All the time.
    Sun 1/18
    I just read over the last entry. I realize it's the first time in awhile I haven't written about James.
    Guess you've been wondering what's been happening between him and me, huh, Nbook?
    Well, until today, nothing.

    I see him from time to time in school. We don't ignore each other or stare menacingly.
    Sometimes we just nod. Once or twice we've said “Hi.”
    I don't know how he's feeling. Marina doesn't say much. I think she feels caught in the middle. Our friendship has definitely taken a nosedive.
    As for Vanish, well, we haven't met for rehearsal. I know I should call Rico, and I will, eventually. Maggie thinks he's totally lost interest in the group.
    Mami, Papi, and Isabel are glad James is not calling. Simon is hinting I should meet his ninth-grade brother, who's even dorkier than Simon.
    One good thing about all this—it's brought me closer to Maggie and her friends. I like them all so much.
    Actually, not counting what happened to Linda and Mikey, things have been going pretty well.
    Until today.
    Vista's having this Valentine's Day bake sale, to raise funds for gym repairs. I first see the sign-up sheet after second period, and I sign my name under the second-to-last slot under Decorations Committee. On the way to third period I see Maggie and ask her to sign the last slot.
    Later she tells me she did just that. But when the committees are announced later, her name isn't mentioned. James's is.
    I corner him after school and ask him about this.
    But he's with a group of new friends and he just shrugs.
    I head to my locker, furious. I pull it open and a note floats to the floor.