Free After School Activities by Dirk Hunter

above me. For a while, neither of us
    moved. I stared up at him, marveling at the sight of him above me, the
    strong muscles of his chest and arms working to hold him up, his bed-
    tousled hair and bright blue eyes. He stared down at me with a look I
    didn’t understand. Almost like disbelief. I reached up to touch his cheek,
    feeling the hints of beard stubble.
    “What is it?” I asked.
    “It’s strange. Seeing you like this. I’ve only ever looked down like
    this on girls….”
    “Ew. Way to kill the mood there, guy.”
    He laughed softly. “No, I mean I usually have to imagine… a guy.”
    He hesitated for only a fraction of a second, but I noticed it and wondered
    what it meant, what he had been about to say. “It’s weird to actually have
    a guy under me.”
    “But good?”
    He smiled so large it almost split his face in two. “Oh yeah.” He
    dropped down onto the bed beside me, staring up at the ceiling.
    The tone of the room had definitely changed. The lust and passion
    that had been there seconds ago seemed to have drained away, a more
    introspective feel replacing it. Inwardly, I raged a little, but gave no sign.
    Instead, I took his hand, twining our fingers together. He squeezed tightly.
    “You’ve, uh, done this with many girls?” I asked.
    “You really want to know?”
    Yes. “No, I guess not.”
    He sighed. “I forced myself, hoping it would, I don’t know, change
    me. I never made it this far with any girl, I couldn’t make myself do it. But I had to keep up appearances.”
    I gave his hand a squeeze. I hooked the blanket with my foot, lifting
    it until I could reach it with my free hand and pull it over us. “I
    understand,” I said, snuggling into Adam.
    He snorted in disbelief. “Yeah, right.”
    “Um, contrary to popular belief, I did not burst out of my mother’s
    vagina on the back of a rainbow in a cloud of glitter. I realized I was gay
    pretty young, but that didn’t stop me from hating myself for a while. I
    tried to play the ‘I promise I’m straight’ game for almost five years. I’ve
    only been out since the eighth grade.” Adam had squeezed my hand when
    47
    Dirk Hunter

    I said I used to hate myself. It was a silent bit of protest, of reassurance. It was sweet.
    “If you hated yourself for being gay, then how… I mean, why did
    you come out?”
    “I’m not keen on dishonesty. Especially with myself. Plus, Kai
    helped me stop hating myself.”
    “How?”
    “By telling me he cared about me. Making me realize other people
    cared about me. It’s quite a bit more difficult to go on thinking you’re
    worthless when people whose opinions you value keep insisting
    otherwise.”
    “Yeah. That makes sense.” He sounded sad. “Malachi sounds like a
    good friend.”
    “He’s the best friend.”
    “My friends would never have done that.”
    I let go of his hand to wrap my arms around him, laying my head on
    his chest. “I’m sorry.”
    He put his arm around me. “It’s okay. If any of them had told me
    they cared about me, I probably would have punched them and called
    them a fag. So, I guess it’s not entirely their fault.” He started idly playing with my hair. “But that doesn’t matter anymore. Only one more year of
    this and I’ll be out of here. College will be a new place, with new people,
    I’ll be able to start over.”
    “So you’ve decided you’re going?” Last we’d talked about it, Adam
    had been torn between wanting to go and feeling like he needed to stay
    with his family.
    “Yeah. Mom has already started picking out what schools she thinks
    I should go to. I’m like, Mom, I’m not going to be able to even apply until
    next year, but it is all she can talk about these days. It’s like she thinks she won’t….” He trailed off, but I knew what he had been about to say. Like
    she thinks she won’t be around next year. I squeezed him a little tighter.
    He cleared his throat. “Anyway, the schools she’s picked are way out