Free Beautiful Pain by Joanna Mazurkiewicz

How are you, Ma, have you eaten anything today?” he asked, sitting by her on the edge of the bed. She had just been diagnosed with lung cancer, and Harry had been expecting it. She had been smoking fifty cigarettes a day for the past ten years.
     
    “ I am not hungry at all, my boy. Are you going to shift the stuff today?” she asked, taking a long, raspy breath. Harry’s stomach made a strong contraction. He didn’t want to talk about this with her, especially since she knew about everything that he was doing.
     
    “ Yes, Ma, I will try. Soon we will have enough money for your operation,” he replied, squeezing her hand. His mother had been waiting for around six months for a life changing surgery. Harry couldn’t look at how much she was suffering, so he decided to take matters into his own hands. He needed thirty-thousand Euros. He made some enquires at a private clinic and the doctors agreed to operate straight away. A few more shipments and he would have enough to go through with it.
     
    “ Don’t do it, boy. Maybe it’s meant to be that I am ill. I wouldn’t be able to handle it if you to go to prison. Your brothers wasted enough of their lives.”
     
    “ Ma, stop it, just a few more shipments and it will be done. Then I will get a job and we never have to worry about this again.”
     
    “ I don’t want you to get into trouble, this is too risky. What about the loan?” she sighed.
     
    “ I haven’t had a job since last year. We both know that I won’t get a loan, and your pension is too small,” he snapped, getting angry. Barbara was trying to talk him out of this idea. She wasn’t prepared to die or wait for an operation, but she didn’t want Harry to risk his future for her. “Anyway, let me make you something to eat.”
     
    He didn’t want to upset her, but he was going to carry on until he had enough money saved up. Harry went downstairs, scratching his head. The dishes were piling up in the sink and he needed to do some grocery shopping. He was the only one that could look after his mother; his aunt was working full time, so he didn’t expect her to leave everything to help them out.
     
    He wondered yet again what Sophia was up to. A jolt of jealousy ran through his body, he wanted to squash that guy who he saw with her earlier. He even considered going back to probation tomorrow so he could talk to her.
     
    “ Ask yourself how ridiculous this sounds! She is not going to even listen to you,” he muttered to himself. He wanted to have her in his bed, not only for one night, he wanted to possess her beautiful body. He was hard again just thinking about it. Then he heard the knock on his door that stirred him back to reality. He swore and went to the door.
     
    It was Kirsty, and she barely had anything on. Skimpy shorts, and a T-shirt with a bare stomach. Her long dark hair was flowing freely around her bare shoulders.
     
    “ Hello stranger,” she said as she approached him, smiling widely. Harry moved away, feeling annoyed that she was even here. He didn’t want to touch her. Kirsty was the girl that he slept with when he was lonely. She walked through the door and touched his crotch. “Hmm, someone is ready for me.”
     
    “ Come on, Kirsty, what the hell do you want? I am busy,” he snapped, pulling her hand away. Kirsty wanted to shag all the time. She always wore this hideous strong makeup that made her look much older than she was.
     
    “ You never called after our last session, so I thought I would come to you this time,” she muttered, brushing her leg against his. Harry wondered why he’d slept with her the other day. She wasn’t like Sophia, who was gentle and beautiful. Kirsty had slept with half of his mates and she was never serious about anyone. Besides, she was too rough in bed.
     
    Harry moved away from her, scratching his head and thinking about how he was going to get rid of her.
     
    “ I am not in the mood. My mother is upstairs so I have to look