Free Greegs & Ladders by Mitchell Mendlow Page A

another smaller planet, and so forth until all
the layers of Lincra together form the equivalent ground space of
the combined, remaining 26 planets in the Kroonum system. Each
layer is known for having its own distinct climate, terrain,
life-forms and atmosphere. Visitors are allowed to freely roam
between the layers, all of which are connected by way of the Master
Ladder.
    “I suggest we
read some of these books before we go anywhere,” said Wilx as he
sat down on a bench. Most of the entrances to Lincra are lined with
scores of benches, as needing to sit down is the most typical
reaction of the first-time visitor.
    “What books?”
I asked him.
    “The
multi-volume map of Lincra, the ones I just bought.”
    “I know, but
for a minute I could have sworn you weren't carrying them anymore.
I thought you'd gotten tired and thrown them out, deciding to let
blind chance choose our ultimate location.”
    “No,” said
Wilx. “That's more something Rip would do.”
    “Not on this
world,” said Rip. “Even I don't feel like braving Lincra without a
map.”
    “Where should
we go?” asked Wilx as he passed Rip one of the many 30 pound
hardcover books that he mysteriously managed to carry out of
sight.
    “You read it
to us,” said Rip as he struggled to focus on all the creatures
zipping up and down the Master Ladder between the layers of the
world. “I’m far too hypnotized by this insanity to be able to make
out the sentences.”
    Wilx
flipped to chapter one in the first volume of the Map to
Lincra . “It says we are
right now on Terminal Layer Zero. Below the TLZ are the
Subterranean Layers 1-66, the innermost layer of which is an
observation deck for viewing the fiery planetary core. Looking
directly at the core will fry your optic nerves, so it is suggested
that only blind creatures visit Subterranean Layer 66. Any
creatures allergic to water or other forms of hydrogen-oxygen
combinations are advised to avoid every seventh, even-numbered
subterranean layer, all of which are water based.
    ' Above the TLZ
are the Floating Layers 1-79, the topmost layer being the only
place on Lincra where you can see sky or space, aside from when
inside the parking lot dome. All of the lighting for the
Subterranean Layers comes from Terminal Layer Zero, which consists
mainly of Investment Banker Corral Farms and Slaughterhouses. Well,
where should we go first? A Subterranean or Floating
Layer?”
    “Are there any
places designed for people who like to make outlandish wagers?”
asked Rip.
    Wilx flipped
to the index. “No. It says betting of any kind is prohibited on
Lincra.”
    “ No
betting? That means this will be another planet in which I didn’t
place an outlandish wager during my visitation. Pluto will have to
be removed from the next edition of Very Rare Planets .”
    “Too bad.
Pluto could use the publicity.”
    “Maybe I’ll
find a way to make a bet,” said Rip optimistically.
    “Even if you
did, what would you wager? You don’t own anything.”
    “That’s not
true. I have many fine superfluous organs.”
    “You’ve
already lost all your superfluous organs to me, remember?” said
Wilx. “I intend to collect them as soon as we find a mildly decent
surgeon who will perform surgery for all the wrong reasons. In
fact, I think there’s an entire layer of Lincra devoted to exactly
that.”
    Wilx
again flipped to the index of the Map to Lincra. “Aha! I was right. Subterranean Layer 39 is known
as the Layer of Mildly Decent Surgeons Who Will Perform Surgery For
All the Wrong Reasons. Let's go there first.”
    “No!” shouted
Rip as he clung to his stomach. “You can’t have my organs! I need
them to wager in future bets!”
    “Are there any
sort of Carnival attractions on this planet?” asked Krimshaw. “I'd
like to see more of those savage Greegs.”
    Wilx
looked up Greegs in the Map of Lincra . “We might be in luck... Subterranean Layer 53 is a
Carnival Zoo. It says many fine animals have been stolen from