Free Brain Droppings by George Carlin Page A

situation
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hospital environment
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    The best known example of this problem is: “At that point in time.” I’ve even heard people say, “At that particular point in time.” Boy, that’s pinning it down, isn’t it?
    This typing process is beginning to tire out my finger area. Not to mention what it’s doing to my mind situation. I think it’s time to consider the break factor here, before I have a fatigue incident.

Brain Droppings
    GEORGE CARLIN
    b r a
    d r o p p i n g s
    SHORT TAKES [Part 1)
he wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot. And although I never forgot it, I never quite memorized it either. So what I’m left with is the memory of having learned something very wise that I can’t quite remember.
lust what exactly is the “old dipsy doodle”?
When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.
Sties arc caused by matching your dog shit.
SONETinES A LITTLE BRA1H DAHAGE CAH HELP
A woman told me her child was autistic, and I thought she said artistic. So I said, “Oh, great. I’d like to see some of the things he’s done.”
Euentually there mill come a time when eueryone is in a band.
Weyerhauser, a company that makes its money by cutting down trees, calls itself “The tree-growing company.”
If a man smiles all the time he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
llot only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about
it if I did. … ;.<.,..ii ,,,, .,.„;.> ….y , . ,,.. ,,, ,.. , ..
    H likely is it that all the people who are described as missing are living together in a small town somewhere?
We’re all fucked. It helps to remember that.
I
f lobsters looked like puppies, people could never drop them in boiling water while they’re still alive. But instead, they look like science fiction monsters, so it’s OK. Restaurants that allow patrons to select live lobsters from a tank should be made to paint names on their shells: “Happy,” “Baby Doll,” “Junior.” I defy anyone to drop a living thing called “Happy” in rapidly boiling water.
The nicest thing about anything is not knowing what it is.
I feel sorry for homeless gay people; they have no closet to come out of. In fact, I imagine if you were gay and homeless, you’d probably be glad just Xohave a closet.
I’ve adopted a new lifestyle that doesn’t require my presence. In fact, if I don’t want to, I don’t have to get out of bed at all, and I still get credit for a full day.
The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.
I can’t bear to go to the children’s zoo. I always wonder how their parents can allow them to be kept in those little cages.
If you take the corn off the cob, not only do you have corn-off-the-cob, you also have cobs-out-from-inside-the-corn.
    ; E 0 R C E CARLIN
    brain d r o p p i n g s
    Why do foreign soldiers march funny? Do they think we march funny? If we do, how would we know?
If you moil a letter to the post office, mho deltas it?
n the fritz” is a useful expression only if you’re talking about a home appliance. You wouldn’t say, “The Space Shuttle is on the fritz.” You’d never hear it in a hospital. “Doctor, the heart-lung machine is on the fritz.”
Rarely does Q loose woman houe a tight pussy.
Some see the glass as half-empty, some see the glass as half-full. I see the glass as too big.
lly uncle thought he would clean up in dirt farming, but prices fell, and he took a real bath. Eventually, he washed his hands of the whole thing.
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
lest of metal: Will of Iron, nerues of steel, heart of gold, balls of brass.
WHITE FEOfLE FUCKED UP THE BLUES
If you loue someooe, set them free: if they come home, set them on fire.
I’ve never owned a telescope,