Free Once Gone by Blake Pierce

daughter. There were a lot of memories here, many of them good. But more than a few of them were not so good, and some were really awful.
    Just as she was about to get out of the car and walk up to the house, the front door opened. April came out and Ryan stood silhouetted in the bright light of the doorway. He gave Riley a token wave as April walked away, then he stepped back into the house and closed the door.
    It seemed to Riley that he shut the door quite firmly, but she knew that was probably her own mind at work. That door had closed for good some time ago, and that life was gone. But the truth was, she had never really belonged in such a bland, safe, respectable world of order and routine. Her heart was always in the field, where chaos, unpredictability, and danger reigned.
    April reached the car and got into the passenger seat.
    “You’re late,” April snapped, crossing her arms.
    “Sorry,” Riley said. She wanted to say more, to tell April how deeply sorry she really was, not just for this night, not just for her father, but for her whole life. Riley so badly wanted to be a better mother, to be home, to be there for April. But her work life would just not let her go.
    Riley pulled away from the curb.
    “Normal parents don’t work all day and all night too,” April said.
    Riley sighed.
    “I’ve said before that—” she began.
    “I know,” April interrupted. “Criminals don’t take days off. That’s pretty lame, Mom.”
    Riley drove on in silence for a few moments, wanting to talk to April, but just too tired, too overwhelmed by her day. She didn’t even know what to say anymore.
    “How did things go with your father?” she finally asked.
    “Lousy,” April replied.
    It was a predictable reply. April seemed to be even more down on her father than she was on her mother these days.
    Another long silence fell between them.
    Then, in a softer tone, April added, “At least Gabriela’s there. It’s always nice to see a friendly face for a change.”
    Riley smiled ever so slightly. Riley really did appreciate Gabriela, the middle-aged Guatemalan woman who had worked as their housemaid for years. Gabriela was always wonderfully responsible and grounded, which was more than Riley could say about Ryan. She was glad that Gabriela was still in their lives—and still there to look after April whenever she stayed at her father’s house.
    During the drive home, Riley felt a palpable need to communicate with her daughter. But what could she say to break through to her? It wasn’t as if she didn’t understand how April felt—especially on a night like tonight. The poor girl simply had to feel unwanted, getting shuttled back and forth between her parents’ homes. That had to be hard on a fourteen-year-old who was already angry about so many things in her life. Fortunately, April agreed to go to her father’s house after her class each day until Riley picked her up. But today, the very first day of the new arrangement, Riley had been so very late.
    Riley found herself close to tears as she drove. She couldn’t think of anything to say. She was simply too exhausted. She was always too exhausted.
    When they got home, April stalked wordlessly off to her room and shut the door noisily behind her. Riley stood in the hallway for a moment. Then she knocked on April’s door.
    “Come on out, sweetie,” she said. “Let’s talk. Let’s sit down in the kitchen for a little bit, have a cup of peppermint tea. Or maybe in the backyard. It’s a pretty night out. It’s a shame to waste it.”
    She heard April’s voice reply, “You go ahead and do that, Mom. I’m busy.”
    Riley leaned wearily against the doorframe.
    “You keep saying I don’t spend enough time with you,” Riley said.
    “It’s past midnight, Mom. It’s really late.”
    Riley felt her throat tighten and tears well up in her eyes. But she wasn’t going to let herself cry.
    “I’m trying, April,” she said. “I’m doing my best—with