Free Breathe Me In by Erin McCarthy

know I was okay. For now, anyway. She worried about me, which was something I took seriously because no one else did.
    “Hey,” I said, my voice low, as I came in to Chloe’s and saw Asher asleep on her lap. She was cradling him and watching TV. “Is Ethan at work?”
    She nodded.
    “I can’t believe you got him to fall asleep. He’s usually a fighter.” I sank down on the floor next to the couch, stroking Asher’s chubby leg. “He’s stubborn. Like me.”
    Chloe smiled. She made a gesture I didn’t understand. Then I realized she wanted her iPad because she was making writing motions.
    Did the manager take your application?
    Right. The job I was supposed to be applying for. I really did intend to get a job, I just wasn’t sure where. I needed to figure that out sooner than later. “Yeah,” I lied. “But I’m sure they’ll toss it in the trash.”
    Chloe typed. You don’t have to keep things from me. If you went to see Kane, it’s okay. I can watch Asher whenever you need me to. I get bored with Ethan gone all the time and I want to help you. Asher is adorable.
    I made a face. “I thought I was a better liar. I was with Kane, I admit it. Do I smell like sex and poor choices?”
    She laughed and held her fingers up to indicate just a little.
    Do you like him a lot?
    I read her words and made a face. “I don’t like him, like him. I don’t even really know him. But he is hot and I did have fun.” I shrugged.
    Do you think he likes you?
    Chloe’s face looked hopeful. Then mischievous.
    Let’s stalk him online.
    I realized we were having girl talk. I wasn’t sure I knew how to do that. And I only stalked someone online if I was trying to avoid him. “No, I’m not going to do that. I don’t really want to know anything about him.”
    Are you afraid if you do you’ll end up liking him?
    “Well, yes. Totally.” Honesty regarding my emotions wasn’t usually my strong suit, but for some reason, Chloe was so nonthreatening, it seemed downright insulting to lie any more to her. And hell, maybe I needed someone to talk to.
    So what would be so bad about that?
    “Um, everything.” I sighed and put my hands on my knees, leaning back against the couch. “I’m not exactly in a position to be in a relationship. Besides, why would Kane be interested in actually dating me? He just wants to hook up.”
    Asher shifted a little on Chloe’s lap and made a mewling sound. I touched his head softly and made shushing noise. I dropped my voice to a whisper. “I can’t date, not right now. It’s not a good idea.”
    Maybe just play it by ear? Just see what happens.
    I sighed and pushed my hair back off my head. “That’s like the story of my life. See what happens. Because every day there is some new drama. How do I get myself into these messes?”
    At least you’ve had a life. Until a few months ago I spent my whole life in one place. Well, after my adoption, I mean.
    “I kind of envy that.” Then I felt like a shit for saying it out loud. “Not that I envy you, that sounds like such a jerk thing to say when it’s not like you’ve had it easy.” I met Chloe’s earnest stare. “You’ve been awesome to me. It’s crazy, isn’t it? Like who the fuck do people think they are, just splitting up twins? Playing God with people’s lives, it’s nuts.”
    My mom left us, did I tell you that? I got left twice too, but I know it was harder for you. I’m sorry.
    I knew she meant it. It was like Chloe had survivor’s guilt of sorts, that I had been returned by my adopted parents and she hadn’t. But she’d had her own shit to deal with, including a selfish adoptive mother. She and Ethan had told me more about her past than I had about my own. I just wasn’t ready to share and open up. Maybe I never would be. It felt unnecessary to put that on Chloe. She didn’t need to know how genuinely fucked up my life had been.
    Slowly, I shook my head and gave her a smile. “I know you’re sorry and I appreciate