Free Handle With Care by Josephine Myles

worst moment ever.
    Until now.
    64

Chapter Nine
    I glanced at the twenty millilitre cup of water in front of me. I knew I should drink it, but I just couldn’t summon up the energy to lift my hand. What was the point?
    I was dimly aware of an argument taking place down the hall. I tuned out the raised voices. I’d insisted that Zoe go home and get some rest, but my reasons were purely selfish. I just wanted some time alone to wallow in my misery and not have to field questions about how I was feeling.
    I was feeling numb, all except for my guts, which throbbed with a dull ache.
    The door swung open, and a nurse peered in at me. At least, I assume she was a nurse. Her lavender-coloured outfit looked a little too much like pyjamas for me to tell for sure, although I had noticed that at this hospital they seemed to encourage the staff to wear outlandishly coloured scrubs. She cleared her throat, looking confused and a little pissed off.
    “Ben, isn’t it?”
    I nodded once. Not more tests. I didn’t think I could face them. On the other hand, maybe it was more drugs. I wouldn’t mind some more of that stuff they’d knocked me out with this morning. It would be good to get the bed lowered again too. This enforced sitting was tiring me out.
    “I’ve got a young man demanding to be let in to see you. Says his name is Brian Jones. He’s not on the list your sister left with us.”
    I tried to remember if I’d ever known a Brian well enough to have him visit but drew up a blank. I didn’t care enough to make any more of a response than a shrug. Then I wished I hadn’t, as the motion pulled the stitches in my belly and reminded me of what was in there. Pieces of Ollie, cut out of him and pasted into me like a macabre collage. I wanted to be sick again.
    Maybe if I drank the water, I could throw that up.
    “He says he’s your boyfriend,” the nurse said, frowning at me. “Bright red hair?”
    I definitely would remember having a redheaded boyfriend named Brian, wouldn’t I? God, unless I was suffering from some bizarre amnesia and I’d made up all that stuff about me getting it on with the delivery guy. Did I have a normal life waiting for me somewhere? I stared at the nurse, willing her to tell me that I didn’t need to feel this anguish, that it was all a bittersweet dream and I’d soon forget all about Ollie and the way he made me feel.
    But I didn’t want to forget him. Not when he’d made me feel something I’d never dared hope for. Maybe the pain was worth it, somehow.
    The nurse was heading out of the room. “I’ll tell him to leave, then.” She turned back when halfway out of the door and frowned again. “Wait, he said to tell you he’d come to deliver more comics. Said you’d know what he meant.”
    I gaped. Hope sparked inside me, so bright it was painful. I felt like I was teetering on the edge of a precipice, that thread of hope holding me up above the darkness.
    “Let him in.”
    Boyfriend…comics…Brian…red hair… It didn’t add up, so I told my brain to take a hike and stared at the door as it slowly swung shut behind the nurse.
    Then I heard a voice outside that made my heart leap. “I told you, he knows me as Ollie.”
    “If he really is your boyfriend , then I don’t see why he wouldn’t recognise your real name,” the nurse replied haughtily.
    66
     
    The door crashed open as a vision in red and black barrelled through it.
    “Ben! You would not believe the time I’ve had trying to find you!”
    I barely had time to focus on the rapidly moving body before he was on me and my lips were ambushed. His exuberance startled me, but I opened my mouth to the messy kiss. He bathed my parched mouth in saliva, and it tasted amazing—all coffee and chocolate like the previous day. Was it really only a day? I felt like I’d lived a lifetime since our tryst in the kitchen.
    His hands grasped the sides of my head, and he pulled back, flashing me a brilliant grin. I was too dazed to smile