Free All is Lost (All Series, Book 2) by Marie Wathen

what happened last football
season. Remember when Tristan broke every school record before
midseason? There was that one obnoxious parent’s group, from
several of the opposing teams who banned together demanding that he
be tested for enhancement drugs.” I smirk knowing he would never
touch the shit, and she adds, “As if, my perfect Tristan would ever
do something so stupid to his body.”
    Chuckling loudly at Anna's defensiveness,
Granddad grabs and hugs her tenderly. Then he invites Gran and
Gretchen out for coffee leaving us alone with Tristan. I can't
do this , I am freaking out mentally. Realization that Tristan
is lying in this bed, so close to death and could go at any minute
hits me like a slap to the face. This type of connection with Anna
and Tristan is way more than anything I've ever allowed myself to
experience with anyone.
    Clutching my hand against my chest, I grasp
that they are so very important to me and this shit hurts. Their
love is so exceptional and seeing their suffering is enough to make
me stop being so self-centered. Loving me for so many years without
my reciprocation, they have never known how much I actually care
for them.
    Because I was too selfish to tell them ,
I remind myself.
    “ Take your time, Breesan.”
Returning to her seat, Anna leaves me hovering next to Tristan.
Averting my eyes again to his fingers, I carefully brush mine over
them. They are so cold. A natural instinct in me wants to wrap them
in mine, allowing my body heat to warm them. Fighting the urge for
long enough, I finally look at him, but just before my eyes lands
on his face, Anna speaks.
    “ He loves you.”
    A harsh, stinging pain begins behind my closed
eyes. Opening them again, I slowly lift my face to look at her.
This pain is too much and unstoppable, heavy tears burst forth. My
body racks with hard sobs. Dropping onto my knees, I grip Tristan’s
hand and place my forehead tenderly to it. Moving quickly from her
seat, Anna wraps her arms around me, providing selfless comfort
while hushing my cries.
    Speaking through my tears, my words falter.
“I'm sorry, God, I am so sorry. Please, please, please…just don't
go. I need–I...” Gasping for breath, my cries become hiccups and I
can no longer speak.
    “ Breesan, it's okay.” Sweet,
wonderful Anna continues comforting me. “Tristan is going to get
better. Nothing is going to happen to him. Do you hear me?”
Steadfast in her beliefs, she is declaring it so.
    Simply signally with an ambiguous head bob, I
accept her words, needing to believe that I won't lose him, but I
am so scared that because I do love him it is exactly what will
happen. I desperately want to tell him that I need him and Anna
too. They both deserve so much more than I have given them over the
years. Selfishly denying their friendship for so long, I'm
literally on my knees begging for one more chance.
    Needing everything between us to be alright, I
decide they deserve to know everything. I love them and I always
have. A long time ago I was a scared little girl who lost all hope
when my dad didn’t return home from war. Then Julia cruelly kept me
away from everyone, especially Tristan and Anna.
    Lonely and broken, the only thing I knew was I
had to keep my heart safe; but truthfully, these two loving people
have always had my heart and with them was the safest place for it.
While going through my own personal hell they were the last
remaining people who loved me and didn’t leave me behind. I refused
to accept their love…until now, when it may be too late.
    Facing down my biggest fear, I begin praying
for forgiveness, acceptance and love. This is not a wordless prayer
you keep to yourself, or a soft prayer whispered under your breath
that causes someone else in the room to stay silent out of respect.
No, this is a loud, demanding plea that lasts for a long time.
Anna's whispered prayers mirror mine. Neither of us can bear to
lose him so we are not going to let Tristan go without a