Free Friends Wanting Benefits by Luke Young

we throw it overboard."
    "How do you know?"
    "I watched this whole 'Crime Aboard Cruise Ships' special on 20/20 ."
    "Really?"
    "Yes, they record everything."
    "Oh, shit."
    "I'll hide it in my luggage," Victoria said. "There is no way they'll be doing some cabin-to-cabin search for it. You hardly ever hear about crimes on cruise ships do you?"
    "Well, no."
    "They have their share of problems, but I learned on 20/20 they always sweep everything under the rug. They don't want any scandal or controversy."
    "Are you sure?"
    "Yeah, you could murder someone onboard and they wouldn't care," Victoria added.
    "No way." Jillian shook her head.
    "Okay, I'm exaggerating, but something small like this will all blow over. You'll see. Tomorrow it will all have been forgotten."
    Jillian sighed. "But what about the security cameras?"
    "You had the hood over your head the whole time, right?"
    "Yeah."
    "You'll be fine then." Victoria flipped her hand dismissively. "I'll bet the security tapes are being erased as we speak. A few years ago this guy disappeared off a ship on his honeymoon. They think he..." she made quote marks with her fingers, "... fell off his balcony. Supposedly the one camera that could have seen what was going on... that one camera... It malfunctioned. Now do you believe that?"
    "No."
    "I think the wife pushed him off." Victoria turned to Ethan. "I really do."
    "Wow," Ethan said.
    "I saw pictures of the guy and he had these weird nipples." Victoria made a face.
    "What do you mean?" he asked.
    "He had these big weird nipples. Don't get me wrong, he was sorta handsome, but he—"
    "Jesus, can we focus on the problem here instead of some guy's weird nipples?" Jillian rolled her eyes.
    "Sorrrryyy..." Victoria shook her head from side to side, frowning. "I just thought hearing about his nipples might help take your mind off this."
    "What?" Jillian looked at her like she was out of her mind.
    "I don't know." Victoria shrugged. "Anyway like I said, they don't want any passengers to be upset. You won't hear another word about this and they'll probably offer the old man a bottle of champagne and fifty dollars off his next cruise. He'll be so excited he'll be pooping himself." She giggled. "Just like George."
    Jillian glared at her.
    "Sorry."
    Ethan plopped down on a chair and narrowed his eyes. "I wonder why the hell they think you're a guy?"
    "I was wearing that hood and it was dark and steamy in there."
    "Yeah, but—"
    "Besides..." Jillian motioned to Victoria with a nod of her head, "... those other guys thought you were a guy too."
    "What other guys?" Ethan asked.
    "Oh..." Victoria shrugged. "It turns out that one of those guys in the locker room while we were taking a shower saw me leaving the stall."
    "Really?"
    "Maybe he heard you panting while I was, you know, taking care of you." Victoria said proudly.
    "Me!" Ethan scoffed. "Maybe he heard you when I was, you know, doing that to you. You were pretty loud."
    "No, I wasn't. Remember when I did that thing to your balls and—"
    "Okay," Jillian grumbled rolling her eyes. "Can we stop arguing over who makes more noise while doing whatever the hell you two were doing?"
    Victoria shot her a look. "You say that like we were doing something wrong."
    "No, I just—"
    "Have you ever had someone lick you from behind in the shower?" Victoria gave her a snarky, yet suggestive look. "Have you?"
    "Well, no."
    "Too bad, I highly recommend it." Turning her attention to Ethan, Victoria smiled. "Maybe you were right— it was me making most of the noise. You were really doing a great job in there. Were you trying something new or…?”
    Ethan began, "I read this article in a magazine and—"
    "Okay..." standing, Jillian gave the two of them a tired look, "... I'm leaving."
    "You wanna meet for drinks later?" Victoria asked.
    "Not really." Jillian shook her head no and walked out the door.
    She headed toward the bank of elevators not only dying of embarrassment from almost getting caught in the