Free Like a Knife by Annie Solomon

deeper. One was beyond help, but the other... Was he happy? Was he safe? And that one final question. The one Nick pushed to the back of his mind, where it churned inside him day after day: Is he mine?
    He slid into the car and stared blindly out the windshield. What if he did find the kid? What then? Would he hand him over to Rennie like a new puppy?
    He shoved the key into the ignition and jerked the car into gear. He didn't know what he was going to do. And he had to hurry if he was going to make it to St. Anthony's in time to shadow Rachel home.
    He braced himself for the ordeal. This was his life. Morning and evening, he made the silent run from Rachel's apartment to the church and back again. A guardian angel two car-lengths behind, anonymous, invisible. Twice a day he faced the one thing he wanted most in the world and couldn't have. And in between, he chased down different kinds of ghosts.
    Murdered moms and missing children.
    But it was better this way.
    The word echoed inside his head all the way to St. Anthony's.
    Better. Better. Better.
    When he got to Astoria, he cruised the block where he'd seen Rachel park her car that morning.
    It wasn't there.
    He rechecked the street. No, he was sure this was the right street. He checked the time; she never left this early.
    Something was wrong.
    Mouth dry, he used the car phone to call the school. Felice answered. He asked for Rachel without identity-ing himself.
    "She left early today. Would you like to leave a message?"
    He declined and disconnected.
    Where had she gone? Don't panic. But knowing she could be anywhere and he couldn't protect her sent waves of alarm rushing through him.
    He raced to her apartment, cursing the traffic. He always knew she was home because he could see her windows from the street, and the first thing she did was turn on the lights. They were dark now. Making doubly sure, he searched every corner of the parking lot and the surrounding streets. No sign of her car anywhere.
    Damn.
    This was exactly the kind of moment Rennie waited for. Get her alone. Unprotected.
    A new wave of fear washed over him. Tines squealing, he turned the car around and flew into Manhattan.
    He was on the east side of Gramercy Park, speeding for the underground garage, when he saw her.
    Clutching a folded piece of paper, she stood in the middle of the sidewalk, .looking lost Her braid was its usual sweet tangle, and she wore a loose sleeveless dress that skimmed her knees, leaving bare legs and sandaled feet.
    He slammed on the brakes. Blinked. Was he seeing things?
    No, there she was, cool and fresh, her dress a minty green. Just as she'd looked that morning when he'd watched her climb the church steps.
    What was she doing here?
    He parked the car and got out. His heart was pounding so loud, he was sure the whole block could hear it.
    Just then she turned and saw him. Surprise made her stare. She half raised a hand, as if to wave, hesitated, then took a step forward. "Nick?"
    Jesus Christ.
    He lengthened his stride, almost running, grabbed her arm and pulled her off the sidewalk into the alley between two brownstones. He didn't mean to growl, but panic exploded inside him. "Are you crazy? Why did you come here?"
    Rachel stared at him, speechless. What could she say when she didn't even recognize him? The suit and tie, the Italian shoes... She could have passed him on the street and not known him. He looked like his picture now. Like the picture in the newspaper after Shelley's death. Slick. Fast.
    He shook her. "What are you doing here?"
    His anger jolted her out of her dazed confusion. "I'm... I was looking for you."
    "All right, you found me." Impatient, annoyed. "What do you want?"
    To throw her arms around his neck; he was alive, he was all right But relief warred with outrage. Look at him. She'd been frantic with worry; how could he look so... so good? So angry. "I want you to let go of me, for one thing." Her voice came out hard and tight. "You're hurting