Free I Do Not Sleep by Judy Finnigan Page B

obligations. Maybe I just needed to concentrate on me, and on Joey. Because it seemed to me that, after these five horrible years, I was the only one still suffering. Everyone else wanted to move on. I was the one stuck, still reliving that apocalyptic Easter when I was told my son had drowned.

Feverishly, I considered my options. I could move out, rent a holiday cottage in Polperro on my own. This was the way I would find peace; I knew it. Yes, that’s what I would do. Tomorrow. I would tell Adam in the morning.

And then I slept; peacefully and dreamlessly, at last.

Chapter Nineteen

    I woke up the next morning feeling much better, my high temperature gone. Adam’s side of the bed was empty. I looked at my watch and saw it was nearly ten o’clock. I’d slept through until the fever broke, leaving my head blessedly cool and lucid.

I remembered what I had decided last night. I was going to find a holiday rental in Polperro, and move there on my own. Adam, Danny, Lola and the baby would stay here. I would ask them to leave me alone while I got on with the business of finding out what happened the day Joey disappeared, to finding peace from this torment at last. I would feel much better without the family pressure on me to be happy. I wasn’t, and I was tired of pretending.

Adam pushed open the door with his backside. He was carrying a breakfast tray. I could smell toast, and realised I was ravenously hungry. He smiled at me and put the tray on the bed: tea, orange juice, a boiled egg, toast and marmalade. I fell on it as if I were starving – which of course I was.

Adam beamed as I wolfed it all down. He was so thoughtful I couldn’t help but smile at the sight of him. ‘Good girl!’ he said approvingly, as if I was about ten. ‘Now, if you’ll just get ready and pack your things, we can get away right now. With any luck we’ll be in Manchester by suppertime.’

He saw my face fall. ‘Hey, don’t worry, love. I’ve talked to Danny. He and Lola quite understand why we’re going home. Danny said he feels guilty that he so wanted you to come down here. He said he was being selfish. He was so desperate to get back down now he has a proper family and he genuinely thought enough time had passed for you to be happy again.’ Adam paused, and walked over to the window. Quietly, he continued. ‘He’s young, you see, Molly; full of hopes and dreams for the future. Too young to spend the rest of his life mourning for a brother lost so many years ago. Don’t blame him.’

Adam turned to face me. ‘Blame me, love. I’m not young and I should have known better than to put you through this.’ He coughed and turned back to the window. ‘Lola was quite firm with him. Told him to let you go with good grace. He’s got a good one there, Molly. She’s clever and kind. When she said that, she looked quite fierce. I think Danny even quailed a bit.’ He chuckled, then turned to me. ‘So Danny asked me to tell you that you should go home with no worries. He, Lola and Edie will stay on here and they promise you they’ll have a lovely holiday. So, it’s all fixed.’

I stared down the bed, looking at my feet where they had slipped out of the rucked-up quilt I’d disturbed in my feverish sleep.

‘Actually, Adam,’ I said tentatively, ‘I’m not going. I changed my mind.’

He looked confused and worried. ‘But I thought it was all settled. You’ve been in a terrible state. Are you sure you’re not still ill?’

‘No, Adam. I’m sorry to be so inconsistent, and cause you all such worry. But I’m definitely not going back to Manchester. Not yet.’

Adam whistled softly. He sucked in his breath, and gave a weak smile. ‘OK then, that’s great. That’s marvellous. We’ll all stay here and have a good, sunny holiday. Danny will be so happy.’

Now it was my turn to take a deep breath. ‘The thing is, I’m not staying here.’

Adam looked confused. ‘You mean you want us to move somewhere else? Why?