Free Private Passions by Jami Alden

at
Deck."
    He told himself it was wishful thinking, but
as he went back and scanned through the other passages where Jane
described being taken by her powerful, anonymous lover, there was
no mistaking the other signs, the other tells.
    Blood roared in his head and poured hotly
through his veins as the truth hit him with the force of a mack
truck.
    Jane hadn't written these fantasies about
being taken hard and fast, deep and slow about her ex-husband at
all.
    They were about Deck.
     
    ###
     
    Jane walked off the stage of Late Night
with Jimmy Kimmel feeling like she had an elephant on her
chest. Stagehands gave her curious looks as she frantically
searched for Hal, who was supposed to be waiting just off
stage.
    With her legs threatening to buckle under
her, she tottered on her high heels down the hall to the green
room, where she found Hal and Hailey chatting up Taylor Swift. "Hey
guys," Jane said as she pasted a smile on her face, "I thought
you'd be waiting outside."
    "Oh, sorry, Doll, we just got caught up
talking to Taylor," Hal said. "Doesn't she look fabulous?"
    In a gold mini dress that highlighted both
the enviable length of her legs and the buttery hue of her hair,
Taylor did indeed look fabulous. Though it was hard for Jane to
focus when her vision was tunneling and she felt like she was on
the verge of passing out.
    "It's great to see you Jane," Taylor said,
her voice sounding like it was coming from very far away.
    Deciding the pale object coming towards her
was Taylor's hand, Jane reached out and clasped it. "You too."
    Taylor didn't release her hand right away.
"You did great out there. I know that couldn't have been easy."
    Jane's stomach clenched at the unmistakable
sympathy in the singer's voice. That was how it had been for the
past three days since the leak. Everyone oozed sympathy when they
spoke to her, even as they cast speculative glances her way,
looking at her in a whole new light now that her dirty mind was on
display for the whole world to read.
    "Thanks, I appreciate that."
    Hal and Hailey immediately heaped on their
own praise, but Jane wasn't buying it. This whole thing had
disaster written on it from the second Hal suggested it.
    "Face it head on. Show that you can have a
sense of humor about it and the world will laugh with you instead
of at you."
    It went against every instinct screaming in
Jane's head. How could she go on television and laugh it all off
when in reality she felt stripped bare and flayed open?
    But Hal had been insistent. Not only would
she gain huge points by showing that she saw the humor in the
situation, Ryan was all over the place commenting on the situation.
One quote, "If only she could have inspired the same passion in me,
maybe we never would have broken up," had headlined all of the
gossip sites and shows.
    "We need a counterattack, and fast," Hal
said, and Jimmy's show was the best vehicle. Jimmy was an old
friend; he'd go easy on her and show her in the best light
possible.
    Friend or not, the second Jane set foot on
stage she felt like she was having a heart attack. She frantically
tried to remember the talking points they'd come up with, the jokes
she was supposed to deliver with an offhand flare. Her mind was a
complete blank. Hal and Hailey told her she'd been great, but did
she detect a note of insincerity there?
    She had no idea, because right now it was
impossible to focus on anything but staying conscious as the weight
in her chest got heavier, her breath going slower.
    "You feel a little cold," Taylor said, at the
exact moment a chilly sweat broke out over her skin.
    "We need to go," Jane said. "Right now."
    "Holy crap is she going to pass out?" Hal
said frantically. "Take her out the back. Don't let anyone see her
like this..."
    Too late. The next morning the story of
Jane's near collapse after her appearance on Kimmel was front and
center.
    Jane knew better than to read what any of
them had to say about her, but she couldn't seem to pull herself
away