Free A Love So Tragic by Stevie J. Cole Page A

the line. “That’s pain in its rawest form, and honestly, I don’t believe anything makes it better.”
    I sit on the phone with him for over an hour, and the longer I talk to him, the more I forget that it’s been years since we’ve had any type of relationship. The more I forget about how sad I really am, and I actually, for the first time in months, find myself laughing.
    “Fuck,” he says. “I thought we were all going to jail for sure. Fucking Jason turning the Pizza Hut delivery sign on at two in the morning to ‘ward off the cops because no one can be high and deliver pizzas’.” He laughs. “Fucking idiot.”
    I giggle reminiscing about the stupid things we had done as teenagers.
    “Oh, shit!” he says. “It's ten o'clock. I got to go.” He hesitates. “It was really good talking to you, Peyton.”
    “Yeah, it's nice hearing your voice.”
    There's a long pause. “You gonna to tell Isaac?” he asks, and when he says his name, I swear I can hear resentment.
    Am I going to tell Isaac?
    “No.” And then I feel like I need to make an excuse as to why I’m not. “I just don’t think there’s any reason to. If I say something, it will make it seem like it’s something it’s not, and well...” I swallow hard. “It’s not.”
    “Yeah. I just don’t want to mess up your marriage. I’m not that kind of guy, and you know that.”
    “I know. And it won’t.”
    “I’ll talk to you later, Peyton.”
    “Bye,” I whisper before hanging up the phone.
    Just friends. That’s what I tell myself, but that’s not what I feel.
    The entire time we were on the phone, I had that giddy feeling, that butterfly in your stomach tingling all over. I sank when he said he had to go. That’s not friends. That is yearning. That is desire, and that is absolutely why I shouldn’t talk to him again.
    I am not one of those people. No matter how much I like to daydream and pretend that Nicolas will come in and sweep me off my feet, I know that’s not realistic, and I know that could never happen. I made a mistake four years ago, but I also made a commitment, and by doing so whatever could have been, should have been, well, all that needs to remain a daydream. A place to escape and wallow in my regret.
     

I hang up the phone and stare at the ceiling. I couldn't help it. Friends? Bullshit. 
    How can you be friends with someone you were once in love with...still in love with? I haven't done a damn thing wrong yet, but, already I feel like a bastard. If Lindsey finds out I've been calling Peyton, she will kill me. And the last thing I want to do is hurt Lindsey because I know how bad that sucks.
    I hear the front door unlock. “Mr. Snuggles?” Lindsey calls out before the door shuts. I groan, I hate that stupid pet name. “Hey, baby, you home?”
    Glancing down at my phone, the guilt eats away at me. That part of my life is over...why is this hard to let go of?
    “Hey, Nic...”
    “Yeah, in the bedroom.”
    “Oh, naked I hope,” she says with a girlish giggle as she pushes the door open. “Damn,” she smirks. “Well, the shirts off, why are your jeans still on?”
    I shrug and she walks to the bed, lying down next to me. “When is that auction your company is putting on?”
    “Next Friday.”
    “Shit.” She sighs, tracing her finger over my bare chest. “I told Lynn I'd work the unit for her. It's her daughter's birthday and they're going to dinner. Why did I think it was Saturday?”
    “Don't know.” I wrap my arm around her and pull her into my chest, combing my fingers through her soft hair. “It won't be much fun anyway.”
    She snuggles up to me, her hand slipping beneath the waist of my jeans. “I love you, Nicolas.”
    I hate when she calls me that. “Love you too,” I say, then swallow because it doesn't feel right, and I blame Peyton for that.
     

 
    Momma looks at me with her sympathetic eyes. “Honey, you’ve got to do what your heart is telling you.” She pulls me close to