Free This is a Book for Parents of Gay Kids: A Question & Answer Guide to Everyday Life by Dannielle Owens-Reid, Kristin Russo

because you are ashamed of them in any way, but because you are concerned that the response of others might make for a negative work environment in general, or that you don’t like discussing
any
personal things in the workplace.
THE MAILMAN
    There are many people in your community whom you know in a peripheral sense. You may see your mailman a few times a week, exchangepleasantries with the local dry cleaner, or have an occasional conversation with the person who works at the corner market. There is no reason why you should feel obligated to tell anyone about your child’s sexuality—especially those with whom you have a more surface relationship. At the same time, if you find that a conversation prompts a response indicating that your child is gay, you might decide to answer honestly. You will find that these exchanges, and your decision on how to handle them, will vary. Sometimes being straightforward will come easily, while other times it will just seem easier to gloss over the truth and continue on your way. Your child has these same experiences in their everyday life, and it is absolutely okay for you to trust your gut within each individual experience.
    Remember that you are navigating new territory, and you should never feel pressured or obligated to speak to people about anything that you do not want to share. You might make a decision to keep things to yourself in certain situations, yet begin to feel more comfortable down the line. No one should ever judge you for taking time to process this new information. Try not to overthink it, and have patience with yourself. When you do open up to others about your child, remember that it doesn’t have to be a huge and serious discussion; their response is informed by your delivery. You will have awkward moments—we all do. Many things will get easier with time and practice, and even the most awkward exchanges will soften with time.

A KID’S PERSPECTIVE
    “Once one person knew, everyone knew.”

    You know how, sometimes when you tell one person, you may as well have told the whole world? Well, that sort of happened to me when I came out. I was seventeen, and a high school senior in a relatively small town in North Carolina. My dad is a rabbi in the Conservative Reconstructionist movement and my mom is an English professor. I should also add that my mom even taught, prior to me coming out, courses like Women and Literature and Gay and Lesbian Literature. Both of my parents, overall, were pretty accepting.
    At first, I didn’t want others to know, unless I felt ready or had control of the situation. I probably should have known that wasn’t going to happen, since my mom told my dad within hours of me coming out to her. It was only a matter of time until others were told. Soon after I came out to my parents, they told a few of their closest friends. One person they told was Deborah, who was well connected to my dad’s synagogue. Prior to my coming out, she was a close family friend and involved in life happenings, from Passover seders to hurricanes. In some ways, she was a mother figure to my parents. She had provided our family with wisdom and support in times of need, and it was without question or surprise that my parents would tell her early on.
    Once one person in the congregation knew about my sexual orientation, pretty much everyone knew. That’s the basis of how our culture works to some degree: You tell one person and they tell a group of people and then another person and so on. When I go back to my parents’ home now, regardless of whether I know the person or not, I am pretty sure they have heard about my affinity for men at some level.
    The way that others found out forced me to quickly become at peace with my own sexuality, prompting me to let go of control and care less what others thought about me being gay. Truthfully, I have become much more comfortable with others knowing, and feel that my parents sharing the news with our congregation helped