Free Losing Me Finding You by Natalie Ward Page A

cigarettes and leaves them lying around. There never seems to be enough ashtrays, or if there are, they’re full. So she just leaves it wherever she feels like it. On the side of a table, resting on a book, wherever. It was really only a matter of time before something like this happened.
    “Evie?” Ben whispers, moving so he’s sitting on the edge of my bed now. “Are you okay?”
    “She did this,” I whisper, opening my eyes.
    “Your mum?”
    I nod. “Yeah.”
    “Did she do this too?” Ben asks, his fingers running gently down my arm.
    I turn to look at what he’s talking about. My arms are covered in bruises, both old and new. As I lift up the sleeve of my gown, I see there’s an entire handprint on my right shoulder and as I stare at the evidence, I can feel tears of helplessness start to fill my eyes.
    “Evie?” Ben asks gently.
    I nod. “They both do,” I say, not sure I can look at him right now.
    “Hey, baby,” he says softly, tilting my chin so I have to. “It’s gonna be okay, I promise. I’m here now and I’ll look after you. I promise I’m going to look after you.”
    And I nod as the tears start to fall, remembering all the times he’s promised me this, knowing that he means it, every single time. Ben wraps me in his arms and I sink into him, wishing I could have found him sooner, wishing I didn’t have to live all those months without him.
    The loneliness, the ache of separation, it’s all come back now. Now that I’ve remembered all that I lost, I feel every single one of those minutes that I didn’t have him. They stab at my heart, reminding me of what I’ve been missing.
    “Shhh, baby, it’s okay,” Ben whispers, his hand gently rubbing my back as he holds me. My fingers grab hold of the front of his jumper, pulling him even closer as I sob into his chest. Ben lets me cry. He doesn’t say anymore, just softly rubs my back, and presses the occasional kiss to my head.
    Eventually, my tears stop and I pull back. Ben smiles at me, gently brushing my tears away with his thumbs. “Okay?” he asks.
    I nod. “How did you find me?” I ask him.
    He smiles now. “Dad did,” he says, a hint of pride in his voice. “He was the first on scene at the house. Your parents were pretty wasted, but he worked out someone was still trapped inside, so he went in and he found you. Brought you outside and rescued you,” Ben says. He’s smiling as he tells me the story and I know he’s proud of his dad for doing this. I also know he’s picturing himself doing the exact same thing, because being a firefighter is something Ben’s wanted to do his whole life. “When he got you outside, he recognised who you were. So he got you into the ambulance, made sure you were okay, and then he called me, told me he’d found you.”
    “He did?”
    “Yeah,” Ben says, leaning in to kiss me again. “He did. He knows how much I’ve missed you.”
    I smile now, wishing he could know how much I’ve missed him. “You have?”
    “More than you can possibly know, Evie,” Ben whispers and then he’s kissing me again and I know we’ve both been found.

7th November 1992
    Sixteen years old

    “I really wish you weren’t going back to them,” Ben says, holding my hand as we both stand in front of my new house. New is a generous way of putting it. Really it’s just another council house, only in an even shittier estate, if that’s at all possible. Our old place is currently unlivable, and because my parents seem to have gotten away with almost killing me, I’m still stuck living with them. At least this one is a single story so the chances of me getting trapped are reduced. I am without Sarah though, who no longer lives across the road from me.
    But I have Ben, and that is worth everything.
    “I know, me too,” I say quietly.
    “You don’t have to, you know,” Ben says turning to face me.
    I turn to him, step into his arms as I wrap mine around his waist. “Yeah I do,” I say. “This is my