Free Losing Me Finding You by Natalie Ward Page B

home and they are my parents, Ben.” Ben’s arms tighten as he looks to the sky, his face frustrated. “It will be okay,” I tell him, pulling him closer.
    “I don’t know, babe,” he says, looking down at me now. “It hasn’t been okay so far.”
    I lean in, rest my head against his chest because I know he’s right and there really isn’t anything I can say to convince either of us of anything different. My life with these people is shit, has been shit, and continues to be shit. Right now, Ben and his family are the only good thing I have and I’m eternally grateful that I’ve found them again.
    I feel Ben lean down, his lips in my hair as he kisses the top of my head. “Well you might have to live here,” he eventually says, his hands sliding up to cup my cheeks, tilting my head so I have to look at him. “But you can certainly spend every minute you’re awake at my house, okay?”
    I smile at him. “You sure your parents will be happy about that?”
    Ben laughs. “Are you kidding me, they love you, Evie, of course they won’t mind.”
    “I love you, Ben,” I say without even thinking about the words I’m saying out loud for the very first time. I don’t even know where they’ve come from. We’ve only just found each other again and so much has happened.
    But so much time has been lost too.
    And I need to say it, because time will run out again too. I might have Ben now, we might have found our way back to each other, but when I lose him again, I need him to know. I need him to know I feel this way.
    Ben stops smiling now, his face completely serious as he says, “I love you too, Evie.”
    I swallow hard as I stare back at him. My heart is pounding in my chest at the words he’s said back to me. It all seems so easy between us, so perfect despite our separation. But I know that it’s not; it can’t be when I keep disappearing on him all the time.
    “How do we do this, Ben?” I whisper, wishing we could find a way to stop it all, to just stop time. “How do we…”
    Ben leans in to kiss me, silencing my words before he gently rubs his nose against mine. “We do what we always do, baby. We make the most of every day we have together, and we forget about all the rest.”
    “But what about when I…” I can’t even say the words out loud, but it doesn’t matter, we both know what I was going to say.
    Ben stares at me. “Then we just wait until we find each other again, Evie. It’s as easy as that.”
    I reach up and grab hold of the front of his jumper, my fingers tightening in the thick material as though I’m never going to let it go. “Can you do that, though?” I whisper. “Can you really keep waiting for me all the time?”
    Ben smiles now, his hand reaching out to tuck strands of hair behind my ear. We’re standing on the street at five o’clock in the evening. I’ve just gotten out of hospital and my parents are nowhere to be found. Even though Sarah came to visit, it’s Ben who stayed with me and it’s Ben who is bringing me home.
    “Yeah, Evie, I can do that,” he says, kissing me again. “I’d wait forever for you, you know.”
    My eyes close as I tighten my fingers even more, pulling him against me as I crush my lips against his.
    He is so worth looking for.

16th November 1992
    Sixteen years old

    “Come on, Ben!” Sarah shouts as we stand on the sidelines watching his football match. It’s bloody freezing but it beats being at home. “Let’s go, hot stuff!” she yells, making me shake my head in embarrassment. They’ve only known each other for twelve days, ever since she came to visit me in the hospital and saw him there.
    It was weird trying to explain it all and I’m not entirely sure that Sarah believed our story of meeting by chance when he was visiting someone else, but we seem to have gotten away with it. She really likes him and I think more than anything, she’s just glad to see me smiling for a change.
    I see Ben laugh as he runs past and I