Free Love, Rosie by Cecelia Ahern Page A

asking to stop looking

    at me because I find it distracting while I’m trying to work.
    You have an instant message from: ROSIE
    Rosie:

    Rosie:

    Ruby:

    Rosie:
    Stop staring at my tits you pervert.

    OK Ruby, I sent it.

    Oh you are so fired; Randy Andy doesn’t take too kindly to brash

    young ladies who stick up for themselves.

    Screw him! He can’t fire me for that!

88

    Ms. Rosie Dunne,
    Cecelia Ahern
    Andy Sheedy Paper Clip & Co. will no longer be requiring your services,

    which means that your contract will therefore not be up for renewal next

    month as was previously discussed.

    You are, however, entitled to remain as an employee of Andy Sheedy

    Paper Clip & Co. until the end of the month, i.e. June the 30th.

    Andy Sheedy Paper Clip & Co. thanks you for the work you have put

    into the company over the past few years and we wish you luck in the future.

    Yours sincerely,

    Andy Sheedy

    Owner of Andy Sheedy Paper Clip & Co.
    You have an instant message from: ROSIE
    Rosie:

    Ruby:

    Rosie:
    I faxed the letter over, did you see it?

    Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

    Do you know what? The more I read it, the more I’m glad that I’m

    leaving. The name Andy Sheedy Paper Clip & Co. says it all really,

    doesn’t it? I wonder who wrote the letter for him, seeing as I’m his

    secretary and that’s my job and all. I probably did it myself and

    didn’t even realize it. I never pay attention to half the stuff he gives

    me to type up anyway. Ah well, so what do you think?
    Ruby:

    Rosie:

    Ruby:
    Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

    Well I’m glad you find me losing my job so funny.

    Oh please it’s not like you weren’t leaving anyway. This is the best

    way to go. Rosie Dunne, you will go down in history in this build-

    ing as the woman who told Randy Andy to f off. I will spread the

    word Rosie; you being fired will not have been in vain. I’ll miss you!

    Where will you go?
    Rosie:

    Ruby:
    I have absolutely no idea.

    Why don’t you apply for a job in a hotel? Ever since I’ve met you

    you’ve been going on and on about hotels.

love, rosie
    89
    Rosie:
    I know. I have a slight obsession with them. Perhaps it’s the huge

    furniture that makes me feel so safe in them, like oversized vases the

    size of people and couches that wouldn’t fit in my living room and

    kitchen put together. I feel like Alice in Wonderland in hotel lobbies.

    At least I have a month to find somewhere, it shouldn’t be that

    hard. I better start writing up my CV.
    Ruby:
    That shouldn’t take long then.
    from :

    to :

    subject :
    Rosie

    Alex

    Is my CV OK?

    Attachment—CV.doc
    Please, please, please help me with my CV or my poor daughter and I

    will starve to death. How do you make all my crappy jobs look impressive?

    Help! Help! Help!
    from :

    to :

    subject :
    Alex

    Rosie

    Re: CV

    Attachment: CV.doc
    As you can see (by the attached document) I have rewritten your CV.

    The one you sent me was practically perfect as it was of course but I just

    fixed the grammar and a few spelling mistakes . . . you no how great at

    spelling I am!

    By the way Rosie, just to let you no, you haven’t been doing a “crappy

    job” as you so nicely phrased it. I don’t think you understand the difficulty

    of what you are doing. You are a full-time single mum who has a job as a

    personal secretary to a very successful businessman. I only changed the

    words around; I didn’t alter the truth in any way. What you have been doing

    day after day is incredible. When I come home from work I’m so shattered

    that I just collapse; I barely take care of myself, never mind another person.

90
    Cecelia Ahern
    Don’t underestimate yourself, Rosie, don’t play down what you do.

    When you go into your interviews keep your head held high and feel confi-

    dent with the knowledge that you are an incredibly hard worker (when you

    want to be), you have the wonderful ability to work with other people as you

    are always well liked (except that