Free Make My Heart Beat by Liz King

the sink. “Joe, don’t tell me they were out of cookies. If there weren’t any in the cafeteria, just go to the doctor’s lounge...“ Her voice trails off as she visibly shakes. I see her spine become rigid. I haven’t said a word, yet she knows I’m here. The plate clatters in the sink and she grasps the ledge of the counter tightly. “Connor.” My name escapes her lips barely above a whisper.
    Moving cautiously forward, I close some of the distance between us. The sight of her, her scent washing over me, has my hands itching to reach out and feel her in my arms again. “God, sweetness. I’ve missed you so much.” I keep stepping forward until I’m standing right behind her. I’m only a foot away, and I can hear her breaths coming in quick pants.
    Lynae turns around, leaning against the counter, but keeps her head down. “What are you doing here, Connor?”
    I hold my hand up to lift her chin, but she pulls away, turning her face to the side, refusing to look me in the eyes. “Please look at me.” I bend my knees, bringing us face to face. The pain I see reflected at me when our eyes collide rips at my chest. Tears are pooling in her eyes. “I love you, baby. Please talk to me. Say something. Anything.”
    Lynae’s bottom lip trembles. “What do you want me to say?”
    I know what I want her to say. I want her to say that she loves me and that we can go back to the way things were. “Say whatever you need to say to me. Just talk to me.” I reach out again to trace her bottom lip with my thumb and cup her cheek. This time she doesn’t pull away, she closes her eyes and lets me hold her face. “Please.”
    “I can’t do this, Connor. I just can’t.” Her voice cracks.
    “Can’t do what? Can’t love me? Please, you have to forgive me. I am so sorry for hurting you.”
    Lynae grabs my wrist in her tiny fingers and pulls my hand away from her face. She tries to push me away, then places her palms flat against her stomach. This makes me think of our baby growing inside her. I fall to my knees, reach out and wrap my arms around her waist, pulling her to me, and bury my face against her belly.
    “Connor!” she gasps.
    “Please, Lynae. I’m begging you. I need you. Please tell me that you still love me.” I can feel tears pricking my own eyes. My throat feels like it may close up from the gut wrenching pain bulldozing through me.
    Lynae’s hands find their way into my hair. She doesn’t push me away; she lightly runs her fingers through my unruly hair. This small sign of affection gives me hope. “It’s not that I don’t love you, Connor. It’s just —“
    “Just what? Sweetness, I will never forgive myself for what happened. I can’t even begin to imagine how much you must hate me, but I’m asking you to please give me another chance,” I beg, staring into her eyes, so full of pain.
    “I don’t hate you. I wish I could, but I can’t. I still love you, and that’s what makes this so hard.”
    I feel tears land on my cheeks as they start to pour out of her. Lynae doesn’t hate me, but she wishes she could. She still loves me. She said she still loves me. I have to hold on to that. “It doesn’t have to be hard. I will make it up to you. I promise.”
    Lynae tries to step out of my hold. I tighten my arms around her waist, preventing her from leaving. “Let me go, Connor. I told you I can’t do this.”
    “No! You love me. You said you do. We can make this work.”
    “I know what I said. Yes, I still love you. And it fucking hurts so bad! I can’t make the pain go away!” She’s grasping and clawing at her shirt like she can physically pull the ache out of her chest. She jerks away from me again, and this time I let her go. Lynae is gasping for breath as she runs past me and out of the break room, leaving me on my knees, desperate.

Chapter Eight
Lynae
    Air. I need air. I still can’t breathe. I haven’t been able to breathe since before Connor walked into the break room. I