Free William Shakespeare's Star Wars by Ian Doescher Page A

blast th’Imperi’l troops appear—
    Their coming doth require that Han retreat.
    In moment dangerous, amidst great fear,
    Here Han and Leia for the first time meet.
    HAN Our exit’s block’d now.
    LEIA —With a fool’s great skill
    Hast thou our route to freedom quite cut off.
    HAN Mayhap Thy Highness would prefer her cell?
    LUKE [
to comlink:
] C-3PO! Canst thou by any means
    Discover how we may the cellblock leave?
    Our entry point is now a deadly end.
    C-3PO [
through comlink:
] All to thy presence have alerted been!
    The entrance only takes one in or out.
    All other information where thou art
    Hath been restricted.
    LUKE [
to Han:
]             —Now are we quite trapp’d!
    HAN I cannot hold them back forever, sure!
    LEIA ’Tis quite a rescue thou hast plann’d for me.
    Thou hast come in, but how shalt thou go out?
    Hath folly been thy guide?
    HAN —He hath the plan,
    Not I, thou sweetheart of ingratitude!
    [Leia takes Luke’s blaster, shoots hole in wall
.
    By what dark sprite of Hell art thou possess’d?
    LEIA It falls to me to make our rescue good.
    Now follow me into the refuse heap!
    [Princess Leia exits into chute
.
    HAN [
to Chewbacca:
] Go thou hence!
    CHEWBAC. —Auugh!
    HAN —Get in, thou furry lump!
    I care not what thou smell’st within! Unless
    ’Tis death, must be a sweeter smell than this
    Attack! Now go, be not afear’d, my friend!
    [Chewbacca exits into chute
.
    [
To Luke:
] I say, what charming girl thou here hast found!
    I either shall destroy her, or, perhaps,
    I may in time begin to like the wench!
    LUKE [
aside:
] Nay, executioner or lover, both
    Are far too great a role for thee to play.
    HAN Now go, and follow I, all else be damn’d!
    [Exeunt Luke and Han into chute
.
    CHORUS The scene doth shift unto the refuse space,
    Where all is rot, as like a fun’ral pyre.
    Though safe, our heroes other woes now face—
    They go from frying pan unto the fire.
    Enter
H AN S OLO , C HEWBACCA , L UKE S KYWALKER ,
and
P RINCESS L EIA
in garbage pile at bottom of chute
.
    CHEWBAC. Auugh!
    HAN —O! What wonder of the human mind
    Hath thought to bring us here? Your Highness must
    Be lauded greatly for discov’ring such
    A wondrous smell as this! [
To Chewbacca:
] I’ll blast the door,
    Swift get thee hence!
    LUKE —Nay, prithee, shoot thou not!
    [Han shoots and the blast ricochets
.
    Thou arrant knave! Wouldst thou undo us all?
    I have already tried to exit thus,
    But lo, as thou now plainly seest, thou brute,
    The passageway is seal’d magnetic’lly!
    LEIA Now rid us of that blaster, quickly too—
    Else shall thine edgy trigger finger mean
    The certain death of all of us herein!
    HAN O, aye, thy Worship—ha! ’Twas all in my
    Control till thou didst lead us to this heap,
    Nor shall the stormtroopers need any time
    To calculate where all of us have flown.
    LEIA And yet, I say to you: it could be worse.
    [A loud sound is heard
.
    HAN ’Tis worse.
    LUKE —I’ll warrant, something lives in here!
    HAN [
aside:
] I ’spect his word is true, but fear to say.
    [
To Luke:
] ’Tis but thy keen imagination, Luke.
    LUKE ’Twas not just my imagination that
    Hath now swum boldly past my leg, or else
    Imagination now hath body too!
    Aye there—did thine eyes see? Did but a mere
    Imagin’d figment just swim by?
    HAN —See what?
    [
Luke is pulled into the water by an unseen force
.
    CHORUS Yet ere young Luke with answer can respond,
    He’s pull’d unto the wat’ry depths below.
    For sev’ral moments in that garbage pond
    No sign is seen beneath the murky flow.
    An om’nous sound breaks forth into the pit,
    And seconds later Luke emerges, spent.
    The beast’s pursuit of him for now is quit—
    A greater challenge doth this represent.
    [Luke rises above the surface
.
    LEIA O miracle, that thou art truly sav’d!
    What happen’d there, below the briny sludge?
    LUKE I do not know. The slimy creature hath
    Releas’d its vice-like grip on me and fled.
    [Another sound is heard
.
    HAN I