Free William Shakespeare's Star Wars by Ian Doescher

have!
    [Luke, Han Solo, and Chewbacca enter detention block with Officer 4 and soldiers
.
    OFFICER 4 By heav’n, I say: where takest thou this thing?
    LUKE This pris’ner hath been transferr’d here, from cell 1-1-3-8.
    OFFICER 4 —No one hath told me so.
    Thus ’tis my duty to confirm thy word.
    [Soldiers approach
.
    CHEWBAC. Auugh!
    HAN —Be thou swift and merciless, good Luke!
    [Han Solo, Luke, and Chewbacca kill Officer 4 and soldiers
.
    CHORUS With blasters rais’d and targets in their scopes,
    The three do overtake th’Imperi’l threat.
    This obstacle o’ercome, they have fresh hopes—
    But still their way hath not been made clear yet.
    HAN Now shall we see wherein thy princess lies …
    It saith herein she now is held in cell
    2-1-8-7. Go! I’ll hold them here.
    [
To comlink:
] O be not anxious, comrades, fear ye not!
    The situation here hath been controll’d.
    All merry ’tis in the detention block!
    OFFICER 1 [
through comlink:
] But what hath happen’d?
    HAN —’Tis no matter, Sir—
    A slight malfunction of the weapons here.
    But all is well, and we are well, and all
    Within are well. The pris’ners, too, are well,
    ’Tis well, ’tis well. And thou? Art also well?
    OFFICER 1 [
through comlink:
] We shall dispatch a squad to verify.
    HAN Nay, there’s a leak in the reactor here.
    Pray give us time to mend the matter well.
    The leak is large and dangerous, but fear
    Thou not, for all—I tell thee true—is well!
    OFFICER 1 [
through comlink:
] But who art thou, and what’s thy number code?
    [Han Solo blasts comlink
.
    HAN That conversation did my spirits bore!
    Now Luke, prepare thyself for company!
    [Luke enters Princess Leia’s chamber aside
.
    LEIA Thou truly art in jest. Art thou not small
    Of stature, if thou art a stormtrooper?
    Does Empire shrink for want of taller troops?
    The Empire’s evil ways, I’ll grant, are grand,
    But must its soldiers want for fear of height?
    LUKE [
aside:
] So hath my introduction fallen short.
    She sees the uniform, but not the man.
    [
Removing helmet, to Leia:
] Luke Skywalker am I! I have thy droids,
    My noble errand is to rescue thee,
    And I with Ben Kenobi have come here!
    LEIA With Ben Kenobi? Where is he?
    LUKE —Draw near!
    [Exeunt
.

SCENE 3.
    Inside the Death Star.
    Enter
DARTH VADER
and
Grand Moff Tarkin.
    VADER I tell thee: he is here.
    TARKIN —Old Obi-Wan
    Kenobi? Wherefore dost thou think ’tis so?
    VADER A tremor in the Force hath been my guide.
    When last I felt its movement I was in
    The presence of my former Master—he.
    TARKIN ’Twas years ago. He must be dead by now.
    VADER Thou shouldst not underestimate the pow’r
    The Force doth hold.
    TARKIN —The Jedi are extinct.
    Their power from the universe is gone
    And thou, dear friend, art all that doth remain
    Of their misguided, old religious ways.
    [Comlink beeps
.] Pray, what?
    OFFICER 1 [
through comlink:
]                     —Detention AA-23
    Hath sounded an emergency alert.
    TARKIN The princess? Fie! Put thou all sections on
    Alert.
    VADER —I tell thee: Obi-Wan is here,
    E’en now, and surely with him is the Force.
    TARKIN If thou art right, he must not be allow’d
    This station to escape. Nay, never, nay!
    VADER Escape is not his plan. I must confront
    My former Master, and must do’t alone.
    [Exit Grand Moff Tarkin
.
    The Master’s lesson shall I teach in turn,
    When Obi-Wan I face in battle soon.
    I shall my vengeance win, my triumph gain,
    When I deliver him unto his death.
    Though comrades were we in full many wars,
    Though friends we have been once, the past is gone—
    And all is but a horrid memory.
    Today my hopes shall be achiev’d when I
    Strike down the vile betrayer of my youth.
    This conflict shall fulfill my destiny,
    And end for him in bleak eternity.
    [Exit Darth Vader
.

SCENE 4.
    Inside the Death Star
.
    Enter
H AN S OLO
and
C HEWBACCA ,
with
STORMTROOPERS
entering and
L UKE S KYWALKER
and
P RINCESS L EIA , aside.
    CHORUS With hearty