Free William Shakespeare's Star Wars by Ian Doescher Page B

have a feeling bad about this sound.
    [The walls begin to contract
.
    LUKE The walls—O horrid Fate—begin to move!
    LEIA Be not afear’d, and stand thou not in awe,
    But rouse thee now and halt its sure approach!
    Now lend me thy assistance!
    CHEWBAC. —Auugh!
    LUKE —But wait,
    I have a comlink and may hail the droids.
    [
Into comlink:
] C-3PO! Say, art thou there? Pray, speak!
    CHORUS But while he tries to hail the golden droid,
    C-3PO hath troubles of his own,
    For stormtroopers are to their room deploy’d
    And now the droids must save themselves alone.

    Enter
C- 3 PO
and
R 2 -D 2
aside, with
STORMTROOPERS .
    C-3PO O grant us help, for there are madmen here,
    Who have e’en now to th’prison level gone!
    If thou but hurry, thou may’st catch them there.
    R2-D2 [
aside:
] Well said, my friend! He hath a merry wit
    When pride and scorn fall not from out his mouth.
    TROOPER 7 [
to other stormtroopers:
] Aye, prithee fellows, come and follow me!
    [Exeunt stormtroopers
.
    CHEWBAC. Egh.
    LUKE —3PO!
    HAN —Now climb on top!
    LEIA —In faith,
    I try!
    LUKE —Where is the knave? C-3PO!
    C-3PO I fear a wicked fate’s befallen them.
    Pray, R2, see if they imprison’d are.
    Now search apace!
    R2-D2 —Beep, squeak, meep, whistle, beep!
    HAN One thing is certain: we shall thinner be.
    I shall not lose my wit, e’en in death’s face!
    R2-D2 Beep, beep.
    C-3PO —They are not found, O great relief!
    Where may they be?
    R2-D2 —Squeak.
    C-3PO —Use the comlink? O!
    I had forgotten quite, and turn’d it off.
    [
Into comlink:
] Pray, art thou there, Sir?
    LUKE [
into comlink:
]                —3PO? ’Tis thou?
    C-3PO [
into comlink:
] I will confess: we have some problems fac’d.
    LUKE [
aside, into comlink:
] Peace, 3PO! Lend ears and not thy voice!
    Disarm thou ev’ry refuse masher on
    Detention levels! Dost thou mark me, droid?
    Be rapid, else thy Master is no more!
    C-3PO [
aside, to R2-D2:
] Nay, shut them all down! Hurry, R2, go!
    R2-D2 Beep, squeak, meep, whistle, hoo.
    LUKE —Ahh!
    HAN —O!
    LEIA             —Ahh!
    CHEWBAC.                     —Auugh!
    C-3PO No heart within this golden breast doth beat,
    For only wires and circuit boards are here.
    Yet as I hear my Master’s dying screams
    No heart is necessary for my grief.
    A droid hath sadnesses, and hopes, and fears,
    And each of these emotions have I felt
    Since Master Luke appear’d and made me his.
    No Master have I e’er respected so,
    Thus at this moment grave I do declare:
    There is no etiquette for shedding tears,
    No protocol can e’er express my woe.
    R2-D2 [
aside:
] A plague on 3PO for action slow,
    A plague upon my quest that led us here,
    A plague on both our circuit boards, I say!
    LUKE [
into comlink:
] Nay, nay, fear not, dear droid, we all still live!
    Pray open thou the door on maint’nance hatch
    3-2-6-8-2-7—blessèd be!
    R2-D2 [
aside:
] O fondest hope, O fervent pray’rs now heard!
    My Master is alive, and plagues deterr’d!
    [Exeunt all
.

SCENE 5.
    Inside the Death Star
.
    Enter
O BI -W AN K ENOBI
in stealth, with two
STORMTROOPERS
and power terminal
.
    CHORUS While Luke and Leia, Han and Chewie flee,
    Old Obi-Wan has reached the power source.
    He cuts the tractor beam quite cunningly,
    Then makes his exit drawing on the Force.
    TROOPER 8 What do these warnings tell—shall we explore?
    TROOPER 9 Belike ’tis just a drill, and nothing more!
    [Exeunt
.



SCENE 6.
    Inside the Death Star.
    Enter
L UKE S KYWALKER , holding stormtrooper helmet.
    LUKE Alas, poor stormtrooper, I knew ye not,
    Yet have I ta’en both uniform and life
    From thee. What manner of a man wert thou?
    A man of inf’nite jest or cruelty?
    A man with helpmate and with children too?
    A man who hath his Empire serv’d with pride?
    A man, perhaps, who wish’d for perfect peace?
    Whate’er thou wert, good man, thy pardon grant
    Unto the one who took thy place: e’en me.
    Enter
H AN S OLO , C HEWBACCA ,
and
P RINCESS L