Free Shades of Atlantis by Carol Oates

to go to New York for a few days, he finally said.
    I turned sharply to look out the window. He was going to her, and I didn’t want to know.
    There are things that can’t wait any longer, Caleb continued, as if I should to know what he was talking about. I watched the beams of the silver moonlight reflect off the black water that lapped against the shore of Curtis Island.
    I’ll be back as soon as I can. It sounded like a guarantee. I could tell he wanted me to say something. What could I possibly have to say about his relationship and the reasons he was going back to New York? I’ll see you when I get back, he continued. It was an instruction, a promise phrased like a question. The intent behind it shook me and my heart thudded.
    Of course, I told him, turning back to his determined face. I don’t leave until June. I’ll be here.
     
    His smile left me both confused and saddened. Confused about why he wanted to see me again so badly and saddened because I knew it would hurt. I smiled back regardless, unable to have any other reaction to the ecstatic light in his eyes.
    Then everything became strange. Neither of us was able to draw our gaze away. The magnetic field that I felt the first night was there between us again, pulling us toward each other. I was stopped by the thought of Caleb having these same feelings when alone with his girlfriend, and I pulled back. My breathing was rapid, and I scrunched my eyes shut tight trying to control it. When I opened them again, Caleb’s back was pressed to the driver’s door, looking at me as if I’d just slapped him.
    I’m sorry. He closed his eyes and lowered his head. I don’t know what I’m doing. He twisted properly into his seat and grabbed the wheel again.
    He sounded so tormented I wanted to comfort him some way. I didn’t want to accept that he knew that just being so close to him was hurting me.
    Do you mean here with me? My words sounded strangled.
    No! He looked astounded. No. I mean this whole situation. I’d never — there’s still so much to be agreed. I shouldn’t even be here. My heart was racing again. Well, take me home, then. There was no disguising the hurt I felt.
    No!
    I looked away, tears were threatening again. What was going on? I didn’t want to be here, but I didn’t want to leave Caleb either. I heard him exhale.
    Unless you want to leave? If you don’t want to be here with me? he added reluctantly.
    No, I admitted in a hushed voice. I do want to be here, with you. I didn’t turn back to him.
    After a few minutes of neither of us saying anything, the music changed on the CD.
    I like this one. I commented on the slow ballad that had just started and gazed distractedly out the window at nothing.
    I do too, Caleb agreed in a less troubled voice. I can empathize with the guy. He laughed quietly to himself.
    Why? Again I was too interested in what he was thinking to care if I stepped over any personal boundaries, but I still didn’t look at him.
    He chuckled once bleakly before answering. Well, he’s found himself in a situation with a woman where everything and everyone else in his life has ceased to matter. Nothing exists without her. He can’t find the right words to let her know, and even when they’re in a room full of people — she’s the only thing he sees.
    Oh, I murmured. It was the only thing I could think to say while my stomach was twisting so violently. He really does love her.
    Dance with me.
    I turned to him. He was smiling broadly again.
    What, d-dance? I stammered. Here?
    He nodded. We have the music and the lights, what else do we need? My heart began to pound rapidly. Heat it’s freezing! I protested.
    I’ll keep you warm, I promise. He smiled persuasively and winked. It’s the least I can do, seeing as you missed the dance tonight.
    What, give me pneumonia? I grumbled, but he was already out of the jeep and walking over to hold my door open for me.
    I quickly pulled my hair loose from the knot at the back of my