Free Firstlife by Gena Showalter

my arms overhead, doing my best to capture a star in the sky.
    â€œAlmost got it,” he says with a laugh.
    My mom claps and calls, “You can do it, sweet girl.”
    All right, maybe they loved me once. The emotion has withered. Like my heart.
    A moan escapes Bow. A second later, she comes up swinging, panting for breath. Her gaze is far from disoriented as it finds mine.
    â€œAre you okay?”
    Her first thought is of my welfare? Even though I did nothing as the guards knocked her around? My guilt returns. “I’m fine. What about you?”
    â€œFine, no thanks to Killian.”
    I remember the way he raced past her. “What’d he do?”
    â€œDoesn’t matter.” She plays with the edge of her blanket. “Vans is right, you know. At least about this. One decision can change your circumstances.”
    â€œI know, but—” Wait. “How do you know what he said?”
    â€œThe body—I mean, my body—might have been drugged, but I was still aware.”
    How’d she manage that? I’ve been drugged before, and I was out for the count.
    â€œSign with Troika, Ten.” Those copper eyes beseech me. “You’ll never regret it.”
    â€œProve it. Give me a guarantee.”
    â€œMy word isn’t good enough?”
    No. “Why do you want me, anyway? Why do they ?”
    She inhales deeply, exhales sharply. “Have you ever heard of a Conduit?”
    â€œYes. Someone or something used as a means of sending something from one place or person to another.”
    â€œRight. And in Troika, a Conduit is the highest type of General, second only to King. Conduits are rare and precious, powerful both here and there. They absorb sunlight from Earth—which is more than just heat and illumination—and direct the beams to the realm. There are whispers about you,” she says, only to go quiet.
    â€œWhispers suggesting I’m a Conduit?” Someone rare and precious? Powerful? I laugh at the absurdity. “Wrong.”
    â€œHow do you know?”
    â€œBetter question. How do they ?”
    â€œLike you, I don’t have all the answers.” She sighs. “Let’s forget the Conduit thing. There’s a lot about you to admire. When you fight, you go balls to the wall. When you believe in something—like your right to choose—you can’t be shaken. You’re too stubborn. And whether you admit it or not, you’ll never be okay with the Myriad way of life, the strong taking from the weak.”
    â€œYou can’t know—”
    â€œI can. Because that is what’s happening here, and you hate it.”
    â€œNot every Myriad supporter is like that.” James never took without asking. “Just like not every Troikan is forgiving.”
    She pinches the bridge of her nose in a show of fatigue. “Yeah. There’s that. I try to remind myself that everyone has their damage and no one is perfect. Except me.”
    At least she didn’t try to deny the problems. “Both realms need a personality makeover.” And the thought of making a difference in one...kind of intrigues me.
    â€œA makeover of any kind requires the proper tools, honey. And talent.”
    â€œAre you saying I’m currently toolless and talentless?”
    â€œOh, good. You understood.”
    We share a smile.
    But her amusement doesn’t last long. “Sign with us, Ten, and you’ll be one of mine. I’ll get you out of here.”
    â€œOne of yours?”
    â€œMy friend. A member of my team. My family. Those I protect, whatever the cost.”
    I laugh even though, deep down, a need to belong to someone plagues me. To be cared for and finally, truly loved...to be first rather than last. “Trust me. I’m not someone you want in your family.” I’m bad news. Everything I touch turns to rust. “And let’s be real. You can’t even protect yourself . Not here, not