Free HOLD by Cora Brent

what, honey?” 
    But she just shook her head and retreated to the bathroom.  I stayed in the kitchen, just listening to the water run and feeling like a horny dick for picturing Stephanie naked and glistening as she stepped out of the shower.  It was a nice picture but there was something I wanted even more than I wanted to make her gasp with ecstasy and give me the same.  I wanted to make her happy. 
    Stephanie seemed like she was in a better mood when she emerged, fully dressed and gorgeous.  She grabbed a power bar from the kitchen cabinet and tossed it in her purse while she pulled her heels on. 
    “You’re at the camp today?” she asked. 
    I nodded.  “Yeah.” 
    School didn’t start until August so for the summer I’d gotten a job helping to coordinate a teen summer program at the big library downtown. 
    “And tonight you’ll be out with Cord and Creed?”
    She seemed almost melancholy over the idea.  It wasn’t too often that we spent our evenings apart. 
    “Yup,” I said.  “But the offer still stands if you want to come along.  The boys wouldn’t mind.” 
    She approached me and bestowed a dry kiss on my cheek.  “I told you it’s fine.  I’ll eat my leftover pepper steak and binge on the MLB network.  Have you seen my phone?”
    “Living room end table.”
    I stayed in the kitchen while Stephanie bustled around, gathering keys and phone and purse.  I’d have to hustle to get ready as soon as she stepped out the door but for the moment I watched her while she didn’t realize she was being watched.  She was distracted, preoccupied.  She’d been that way often lately and it wasn’t like her. Steph was sharp and intense, not dreamy and vague. 
    “Bye.  Love you.”  She blew a kiss my way and opened the door. 
    “Hey Steph!”
    The girl I loved turned around and cocked her head as she waited for me to say something. 
    Marry me. 
    “Have a good day.” 
    She gave me a half smile.  “You too.” 
    Why the hell couldn’t I just say it?  Whenever I got the idea into my head the mood always seemed to be off or the timing wasn’t ideal or the planets weren’t aligned in the proper astronomical sequence.  There wasn’t another girl anywhere I would ever want to spend my life with.  I’d known that early on with Stephanie.  I was never unsure about her.  And I knew she loved me to the fucking moon and back or else she wouldn’t still be here.  So why couldn’t either of us seem to take the leap over the hill?  Cord had hooked up with Saylor and gone right to work with rings and babies.  Creed put a diamond claim on Truly within a year and just a few months ago I stood on a hill in Sedona, watching my brooding, inscrutable brother shine with happiness as he vowed to forever keep the woman of his dreams. 
    The clock reminded me there really wasn’t time for angst-filled contemplation.  I wasn’t going anywhere.  Stephanie wasn’t going anywhere.  Well, actually we were both going somewhere because we’d be moving into our new place in a few weeks.  But we were solid.  We loved each other, we liked each other and we still fucked with fanatical fervor.   
    Yet somehow I wanted more.  I want it all with her. 
    After downing my coffee and shoving a handful of over-sugared cereal in my face I hosed off in the shower and threw on some clothes.  Rush hour was still in full swing so it took a lot of stop and go traffic before I reached downtown. Just before I ducked into the library I glanced over at the cluster of high rises on Central Avenue and thought about Stephanie in there, enduring one miserable, pointless meeting after another.  Maybe she was sitting at some conference table and slipping her heels off while some dickhead droned on about spreadsheets and profit margins.  Maybe her mind was wandering back to our little role playing exercise last night and she was pressing her knees together to squash the sudden ache at her core while she licked