Free Reggie & Me by Marie Yates

just feel terrified. I am strongerthan I thought though. If someone had told me a couple of years ago that I’d be here now, having experienced the rape, the court case, moving house and moving school, and all I was worried about was a game of hockey, it wouldn’t have made any sense at all! What’s the worst that can happen? Ha ha…My friends and I used to jokingly ask each other that question a lot. They stopped asking me after I was raped. But what’s the worst that can happen now? If I don’t make the team then at least I know I tried. If I do make the team it’ll be a chance to make some friends. I know that I’m not rubbish at hockey; I just have to play to the best of my ability and show them what I can do. So what if I fall over, at least I’ll be putting in 100 per cent effort. If the gaggle of girls are in the trials too then it will just be funny as they won’t have any idea that I heard what they were saying. There. All I need to do now is remember the logical answers to the questions going around my head.
    There’s a lot to do before the dreaded trials though…I shouldn’t call them that really as that’s not helping! There’s a lot to do before THE TRIALS! That’s better! Top of the list is the homework that I’ve been avoiding while writing this!

Nineteen
    I feel totally ashamed of myself and that’s a pretty horrible feeling. I know that I could have acted differently too, I know that I could have made a difference, but I just didn’t have the courage to do something about it. I know that I’m better than that. I know that I’m not a coward. That’s why I feel so ashamed.
    I had PE for the first time today. I wasn’t really looking forward to it but it wasn’t as bad as I thought it might be. It was Miss King taking the class and it turns out that the gaggle of girls were right about her; she’s all right! She asked me to stay behind after the lesson as she needed to go through some things with me. I have a lot to catch up on to make sure I’m ready for the exams, and she told me that she’s been put in charge of making sure I get whatever I need. She even asked if I’d mind being late for my lunch break and if we could go through it now. How nice is that?! I didn’t tell her that this would be the first time I’d spent a lunch break with someone.
    We went through the coursework I needed to do and she had copies of everything I needed. She also offered to go through the work with me in lunch breaks if I was struggling. It all seemed quite self-explanatory but I really appreciated the offer as sometimes when I look at the volume of work I have to get through it can be quite overwhelming.
    ‘How are you getting on, how are you finding the school?’ was the question I was waiting for and she didn’t disappoint.
    I hope I didn’t disappoint with the standard answer. ‘I’m getting used to it, thanks, and slowly finding out where everything is.’
    I wasn’t expecting what came next as usually the standard answer is enough to end this conversation. She smiled and said, ‘I moved schools in the year before my exams too. It was tough. Everyone had their own little groups of friends and I just foundmyself wandering around feeling like a spare part. I had loads of work to catch up on and to make it even more interesting, they were learning completely different things in most of the subjects. I did okay though, just kept my head down and looked forward to sixth form where life became a lot more fun. Hang in there.’
    I could have cried as it was the first time someone had actually got how I was feeling. I mean, really got it. She didn’t expect me to say anything either which was a bonus as I am not sure I could have stopped talking if I’d started. I knew that I was feeling quite low about the way things were going (or not going!) at school but it wasn’t until Miss King spoke to me that I realised what I’m feeling is probably perfectly normal! That half an hour really made