Free Shopaholic & Sister by Sophie Kinsella

it.”
    “Bex!” says Suze half reprovingly, half laughing. “He’s your husband!”
    “Exactly.” I meet her eye, and we both start giggling.
    God, it’s like I never left.
    “So, how’s married life?” asks Suze.
    “It’s perfect.” I sigh happily. “Totally blissful. Well, you know. Like couples are on their honeymoon!”
    “I was pregnant on our honeymoon.” Suze looks a bit discomfited. She reaches out and strokes the Angel bag in awe. “I didn’t even know you were going to Milan! Where else did you go?”
    “We went everywhere! All over the world!”
    “Did you go to the ancient shrine of Mahakala?” A booming voice comes from the doorway. I swivel round to see Suze’s mother, Caroline, coming into the room. She’s dressed in the strangest dress I’ve ever seen, made out of what looks like pea green canvas, accessorized with maroon tights and clumpy suede boots.
    I have never seen Caroline in a normal outfit, ever.
    “Yes!” I say in delight. “We did!”
    It was Caroline who got me into the idea of traveling in the first place, when she told me her best friend in the world was a Bolivian peasant.
    “The ancient Incan city of Ollantaytambo?”
    “We stayed there!”
    Caroline’s eyes gleam as though I’ve passed the test, and I feel a glow of pride. I am a genuine traveler! I won’t add that we were in the five-star spa.
    “Now, where’s my hat?” She frowns, looking around. “I’ve mislaid it.”
    “The African headdress one?” says Suze, flushing. “Er . . . I don’t know!”
    I give her a piercing look. She’s hidden her mum’s hat, I know it.
    “Caro
line
!” Suze’s father’s voice comes resounding through the air, and the next moment he’s coming into the hall, dressed in a paisley silk dressing gown over a pair of pin-striped trousers. His hair is white and bushy, and his nose has become a lot redder in the year since I last saw him. In fact, it’s practically purple.
    “Hello, Sir Gilbert,” I begin politely. “How are you—”
    “Caroline!” he repeats, totally ignoring me. “Fella says we could have a lion in the front paddock. He’ll ship it over, do all the paperwork. What about it?” Sir Gilbert’s bright blue eyes flash with excitement. “That’d add a bit of spice to life, eh?” He gives a sudden lionlike roar, and I jump.
    “A
lion
?” Suze says in horror. “Daddy, you can’t have a lion here! It’ll eat the babies!”
    “Gilbert, the lion belongs in the wild.” Caroline looks thunderous. “Free to roam its natural world. Anyone who has crossed the Serengeti Plain and seen a pride feeding at dawn . . .”
    “Why does your dad want a lion?” I murmur to Suze as Caroline continues.
    “He wants to start a zoo and open it to the public,” Suze mutters back. “It’s one of his mad schemes. Like the tortoises, remember?”
    About four years ago, when Suze and I were sharing a flat in London, her father decided to become a tortoise breeder, and it was
us
who had to take a delivery of twenty baby tortoises and look after them all weekend.
    “The noble animal looked at me,” Caroline is declaiming momentously, “and a deep understanding seemed to pass between us. . . .”
    “You can look at my lion if you like,” says Sir Gilbert. “In its cage.” He bellows with laughter. “Eh?”
    He looks so pleased with himself, and Caroline looks so disapproving, I can’t help a giggle. I just love Suze’s family. God, it’s good to be back.
    “Maybe I’ll go over to the church,” I say, glancing at my watch. “I’ll see you later . . .”
    “That reminds me!” Caroline breaks off. “I saw the vicar and he was saying some rubbish about warm water for the baptism. I said absolutely not! A bit of cold water’ll do these infants the power of good.”
    “Mummy!” wails Suze. “I especially
asked
for warm water! They’re still so tiny!”
    “Nonsense!” booms Caroline. “At their age, you were swimming in the lake! At the age of