Free This Time by Rachel Hauck Page A

few
minutes, the meaning of his words hit me like a slap in the face.
Then I fainted."
    "I never intended to hurt
you," he said, low and measured.
    She walked over to where
he sat, leaned on the pew in front of him and said to his face.
"Then what did you mean?"
    " I meant to not get married. Period. I struggled with
doubts."
    She sunk to the pew with a
heavy sigh, blinking away the burning tears. "Why didn't you tell
me how you felt?"
    He rested his elbows on
his knees and stared at his hands. "I thought I could go through
with it. I thought the doubts would pass."
    " Go through with it? Burke, I wasn't forcing you to marry
me." The trembling increased and her teeth chattered as if she were
cold.
    " I realize that," he answered, stretching his hand toward
her, but dropping it onto the pew before he touched her.
    Belle glared at him, her
eyes narrowed and her lips pale. "If I recall, you asked me to
marry you. What made your feet suddenly turn so cold?"
    He sat back and looked
into her eyes. "When the pro draft came after my junior year, it
took me by surprise. My life took a turn I hadn't
expected."
    " You won the Heisman that year, Burke. The draft should have
been no surprise," she interjected, caustic.
    " The Heisman, the draft. It overwhelmed me and went to my
head."
    She thought his excuse
sounded lame, and it infuriated her. "You make no sense, Burke.
Your whole life focused on football, on being the best, on winning
the prize, on going pro. You want me to believe that going pro a
year earlier than you intended changed you into a completely
different person?"
    He swept his brawny hand
over his cropped blond hair and tried again. "I knew it would be
hard to explain this to you and now that I'm saying it out loud,
even I can't comprehend my own reasoning. That was twelve years
ago."
    " Burke, there had to be more to it than just going pro. What
happened?" she asked.
    " All right, here it is," he said, flinging his arms wide as
if opening his heart, setting all caution aside. "That spring I
went to my first pro training camp. You remember my walk with the
Lord wasn't that strong at the time, so the glamour of professional
football captivated me. And while I had prepared to be a
professional athlete, I hadn't prepared for the life that came with
it.
    " I met other women, Belle. Nothing happened with any of
them, but nagging doubts started pursuing me about our
relationship. We'd been together for so long I didn't know if we
were getting married because we truly loved each other, or if we
were just comfortable, doing what everyone always expected us to
do."
    " Like an old pair of worn boots, eh?" Belle said cynically.
Hearing Burke admit he met other women was not a surprise, she'd
suspected it all along, but nevertheless, the confession
stung.
    " I just wanted to postpone the wedding. I tried to tell you,
but every time I looked into those beryl green eyes of yours, my
heart overruled my mind. I loved you, Belle, but I wasn't ready for
marriage."
    " So, how'd you finally get the guts to run out just before
the ceremony?"
    He grimaced. "I'd pretty
much talked myself into going through with it."
    Belle narrowed her eyes at
him. "How charitable of you."
    " Hold on now, hear me out," he said, holding up his hands
for peace. "I figured once we were married I'd feel the way I used
to feel about marrying you and life would be good again. But when I
took the time to seriously contemplate our wedding, the ceremony,
the reception, and the honeymoon, I knew I had too much doubt to go
through with it. As much as I thought I loved you and, for as long
as we'd waited to be together, I couldn't enter into something so
precious if it didn't mean the world to me. And, at that point in
time, Belle, it didn't."
    Tears were streaming down
her face. "How is it you break my heart, humiliate me, and end up
sounding noble with that excuse?"
    " I'm sure I'm not noble, but that's my reason."
    " Do you know what it's like to crawl into bed alone