Free Enchanted and Desired by Eva Simone Page A

and get her, claim her, and fuck her until neither of us can question the physical connection we share. FUCK I hate this feeling. I need to go talk to Brandon and get my head straightened out.

 
    JESS
     
    The tears stream down my face as I watch him walk away. I asked him to do it, but it still hurts to see his strong, broad back getting further away from me without so much as a glance over his shoulder in my direction. I guess he wasn’t as bothered as he made out to be. I can’t believe I fell for his bullshit player moves. I practically begged him to take me home, even after the stunt he pulled last week.
    I know I did the right thing asking him to leave and not contact me again, because I have a weak spot when it comes to him. Why? I don’t know. Everything about him speaks to me on a molecular level and apparently I lack any self-control around him. I KNOW it’s for the best…so why do I feel like someone just ripped my guts out?
    As I walk back to my apartment I soak in the New York atmosphere, letting it wash over me, trying to stop myself from going to my bad place, which I affectionately call ‘the abyss’. I think I’m fighting a losing battle as the darkness creeps over me, the storm of emotional turmoil quieting like the eye of a storm. I am in the center of all the pain, all of the hurt, and an eerie calm washes over me. Everything I’m feeling ceases in an instant; I no longer feel anything. Simon becomes a picture in my mind, with no attachments, no fear, and no sadness. This is how I survive the bad in my life; this is how I deal with it.
    By the time I reach the lobby of my apartment, I am completely numb, and ready to paint on a smile and my signature Jester charms for Lily. If it wasn’t for her I would have succumbed to the darkness that lies beneath the surface a long time ago.
    I'm one of those people that everyone sees and they think I have it all - looks, money, a family that love me and the best friend a girl could ever wish for. All of those things are true, but unbeknown to everyone around me, the other truth in my life is that Gavin broke all of that, and fundamentally changed who I am. Simon is just a symptom of that. He seems like a genuine guy, a bit of a player, but he pulls it off with such swagger that you want him even if it’s just for one night. I was under no illusions that I could change him, and I don't want to, that's what is so confusing about the way tonight played out.
    I was so upset seeing that woman, and hearing about the women he slept with since we hooked up. Ridiculous right? I did the same thing with Colin, but I hated every minute of it, and wished it hadn't happened the second it was over. I really am a colossal twat. That much is certain.
     

     
    Graduation is tomorrow and I should be looking for a job with all the free time I have now, but my main goal over the past two days has been to eat my own body weight in junk food. I have managed to spend some time with Lily, which is becoming a rare commodity now that she’s with Brandon. Don’t get me wrong, I am beyond happy for her, and he’s a cool guy, but I could really use my friend at the moment. Lily has been going for interviews, and making plans, and getting laid…A LOT. Me??? I’m in limbo. I majored in advertising and would like to go into the field, but my motivation is non-existent. I guess I suffer from spoiled rich girl syndrome, along with extreme fucked-up-itis. I just need to get through graduation with a smile on my face and then I can get my drink on with Lil. I need a drama free night so freaking bad.
    I make sure everything is ready for the ceremony tomorrow, laying out my dress, shoes and clutch, my chunky jewelry, and my straighteners. I head to bed early with only my dreams for company; the same dream I’ve had every night since Spyder – I relive our interaction…and every night it plays out the same. There is no fight, there is no frustration, there is only the kissing,