Free The Big O (The Virgin Diaries) by HJ Bellus Page A

station screamed desperate.”
    “I guess you’re right. I am desperate.”
    “Desperate to get Officer Sexy’s ding dong in your pie hole.”
    “Oh my God, I can’t even, Scout. What if he kisses me and I screw it up?”
    “Oh honey, you will.” She steps up to me, picking at the top I just threw on. “But it will be good memories to look back and laugh at just like your attempt at death by cellphone in kitty.”
    I flush with embarrassment just thinking about that. My new phone is on the way from the company and I received a very passive aggressive email about reaching my limit on my cellphone insurance.
    “You’ll never let me live that one down, will you, Scout?”
    “Not looking good at all.” She bounds out of the room leaving her voice streaming through the hall. “I have an idea.”
    “Shit.” I cringe. “I’m done with your ideas, biotch.”
    I scoop up Pedro, who’s curled in all the clothes thrown on my bed. “Your auntie is cray-cray and I swear, on a mission to kill me.”
    “Okay, this is our favorite site when we want to spice things up.” Scout’s perched on the couch with my personal MacBook in her lap.
    “First, who is we and second, what are we spicing up?”
    “Taylor and sometimes we play a game of watching steamy porn and see how long we can go with keeping our hands to ourselves.”
    I sneak another glass of wine, realizing I think I’m already a full-fledged wino. “I don’t even want to know.”
    I’m pretty sure Scout ignores each word that leaves my mouth.
    “I made it about three minutes one time until I couldn’t resist Taylor anymore and sealed the deal with my lips around his…”
    “Shut the hell up. I don’t need the visual.”
    “O, here watch this.” She stands and hands me my laptop. “It will help you loosen up and hey, look at it like you’re doing homework. You need to be prepared.”
    “We are not humping tonight,” I exclaim.
    “Stranger things have happened.” Scout waggles both of her eyebrows at me. She pretends to punt Pedro across the room before waving bye. “Make sure you watch that shit. It’ll have you fucking like a porn star before you know it.”
    Pedro growls at Scout, hence the reason I know dogs can sense evil, when Scout slams the door. I sip the last of my allotted wine, not wanting to be trashed for my date. I set the laptop on the counter and it whisper screams my name, taunting me to take a peek. It’s just like a bad accident you can’t peel your eyes from. Damn curiosity has me all balled up in wonderment.
    The wine glass clinks when I set it down on the counter and without another thought, I flip open the screen and wait for it to boot up. Skin, more like a sea of flesh, covers my entire screen. Ginormous peepees and women’s voluptuous breasts dance in motion. And that’s about all I can handle. My finger accidentally clicks on a link before I have a chance to boot down the laptop.
    “Holy mother loving burning butthole.” I squeal and slam my palm over my mouth as I watch a wanger slam into a butthole over and over again. Both of the moans and whimpers streaming from the video are very deep and masculine and then that’s when I see a pair of hairy nuts dangling below the butthole.
    “Holy shit!” I slam the screen shut. “I’m going to fucking kill Scout.”
    Besides scrubbing out my eyes with a wire brush and pounding in Scout’s face, there’s not much left to get that visual out of my head. I resort to falling back down on the couch and dialing up the one person who always gives me the confidence to push ahead in life. Good ol’ Daddio.
    “Hello.” His asshole dog yaps in the background, making it hard to hear Dad’s voice.
    “Hey, Pops.”
    “Olivia, now aren’t you glad I forced you to keep your landline?”
    I roll my eyes and remember the fight we had over me getting a landline. “Yes, Pops, you were right.”
    “I just know how clumsy you are and I never want you without