Free Happy by Chris Scully Page A

‘rub off’ on me.”
    “I don’t think it works like that, Peter.”
    “ I know that.”
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    Louie shook his head and began walking again. At least this time he
    set an easier pace so Peter could keep up. After another minute or two of
    silence, Peter ventured the question that had been on his mind the last hour.
    “Was it like that for you when you came out? Is that why you left?”
    Louie considered the question. “Not entirely. Yes, I knew it would be
    impossible to stay in the neighborhood and be myself. But I also needed
    to get away and be my own person—regardless of everything else. You
    know how it can be with family—they mean well, but sometimes you get so
    tangled up in it, in what they want, that you can’t ever get free.”
    Peter’s breath caught as Louie’s words registered. Tangled. That was
    the perfect word for it. He was tangled. Only he’d stopped trying to get free.
    The jealousy caught him off guard. Louie had done at eighteen what he still
    couldn’t. “No regrets, then?” he asked.
    “I won’t lie—it’s been tough. It’s taken me a long time to accept who I
    am, but now that I have, I can’t see any other way. I’m not going backward
    for anyone. I’d like to marry someone I love. And maybe even have kids
    one day—”
    “You want kids?”
    “I don’t know for sure. But if it feels right, yeah. Who knows? But
    how can I be any sort of partner or father if I can’t even be true to myself?
    If I can’t be… authentically me?”
    Peter’s head spun. He didn’t know why. Joe talked all the time about
    having kids with Adam, like it was an easy thing. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t
    heard it before—this crazy idea that you could have everything you wanted
    and not have to sacrifice a thing. But for some reason, it resonated more
    coming from Louie. Maybe because Louie was so much like him.
    “So, you never considered… keeping it on the down low?” he asked
    carefully.
    “Staying in the closet, you mean?”
    “No, just being more discreet.”
    “I’m not exactly waving the rainbow flag here, Peter.” Louie snorted.
    “But I sure as hell am not going to settle down with a nice girl from the
    neighborhood and get off once a month with random hookups. That’s for
    guys like Nick Santos, not me.”
    Peter slammed to a stop on the sidewalk. “Nick? What about Nick?”
    Louie turned around, his head tilted to one side. “You know him?”
    “He married my—a girl I used to date. I went to their wedding.”
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    Louie’s eyes widened before falling to the ground. His olive
    complexion paled. “Oh. Never mind, then.” He spun on his heel and began
    walking again, forcing Peter to trot after him. Surely Louie wasn’t implying
    what Peter thought he was implying.
    “They had a baby last year,” he said.
    “Oh.” Louie sped up.
    “Hey.” Peter grabbed Louie by the arm and spun him around. “Are
    you saying… Nick is gay?”
    Once again Louie avoided making eye contact. “Forget what I said,
    okay? It’s none of my business. Who am I to put a label on someone?”
    “Then why even suggest it?” Peter pressed. “You and Nick dated?”
    Louie licked his lips nervously. “Not dated,” he mumbled. “Despite
    the nickname, I was so deep in the closet in high school you would have had
    to pry me out.”
    “Then what?” he demanded.
    “This is obviously freaking you out. Are you sure you want to hear
    this? It was a long time ago.”
    No, Peter wasn’t sure. But he had to. He nodded, braced himself.
    “We hooked up a few times in senior year.”
    Peter reeled. “Jesus.”
    “Look, it’s no big deal. Some guys like to fool around and experiment
    when they’re young. He was a horny teenager who wanted a hand job. It
    doesn’t mean he’s gay or bi.”
    There was more. Peter had the feeling Louie was hiding something.
    “But you obviously think he is. Why?”
    Louie scrutinized him closely. “I think the