Free Undiscovered Gyrl: The novel that inspired the movie ASK ME ANYTHING (Vintage Contemporaries) by Allison Burnett Page B

shiny and evil for a second. It really kind of scared me. But maybe I just imagined it because I feel so protective about Willy.
    So that was my night. I should have just stayed home, right? Why is it so hard to stay home on a Saturday night? Why do we always think something exciting and new is going to happen when it never does?
    A psycho opened fire today at a church in Colorado, killing four people before a security guard shot him dead. I’ve seen many news stories like this before, but watching thisone I cried like a little bitch. Why? Because I am a deep person? Because my heart is full of compassion? Because I love my fellow man? For a second I thought it was all three. Then I realized it was none of the above. Hormones, baby!
    I just called my dad to inform him that my big birthday is less than a week away. Since he is off the hook about the car, I’m hoping maybe he’ll be so relieved he’ll give me something really good. He wasn’t home. I left a hinting message.
    Wendola95 wrote to me, laughing her ass off that when I was describing my big date with Dan, I wrote “Dad” instead of “Dan.” Thank you so much. If you were not 13 years old I would hunt you down and kick your teeny-weeny ass.

Monday, December 10, 2007
     
    Friday night was too wonderful for words. I cannot stop thinking about Dan. So guess what I’ve decided? When I tell you, you’re going to suggest I return to the psych ward for a big cup of pills. I want Dan to be my boyfriend. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know it’s caaa-razy but it’s not like we have to get married. We can just make each other happy for a while, and then when it’s time for me to go to college or for him to get married, we’ll break up and stay friends. And if we can’tdo it, if it’s too painful to break up then maybe we’re one of those one in a million couples where age doesn’t matter. Like Charlie Chaplin and his wife Una who were way farther apart in age than us but got married anyway and had many children. They were still together years later when he died at the age of like 99. She was still pretty gorgeous and he looked like a miniature mummy in a wheelchair. I know this because before we watched
City Lights
Dan told me all about their love affair and showed me pictures of them online. It was my first silent movie and I really loved what I saw of it. Dan shouldn’t have told me about the Chaplins if he didn’t want me to get ideas!
    To make it easier for Dan I will be very grown up and cool about certain things. For example, I won’t force him to introduce me to his friends, family and co-workers. Obviously if he wants to that would be flattering and wonderful but if he doesn’t, that’s fine. Another thing is I won’t get needy if he’s busy writing his P.H.D. and we don’t speak for a few days. I will live my life and trust that he loves me. Third, I won’t turn into a French psychotic before my period. I might cry for no reason and eat a two-pound bag of candy corn but I won’t call him a “selfish pig” and throw lamps at his head like Martine does. And the best part of all? I will let him have sex with my hot young body whenever he wants to. How great is that? How lucky is he?

Tuesday, December 11, 2007
     
    Margaret and I took Cole to a particular kind of baby class today called Rye. Paul is really into it. Rye believes in respecting babies and letting them do whatever they want just so long as they don’t hurt themselves or others. In class we laid Cole down on this big soft mat and then we were instructed to sit against the wall and observe as Cole interacted with all the other babies. Margaret was only allowed to butt in if Cole really needed her emotionally. He didn’t. Not much happened really. Only 2 of the 8 babies were even strong enough to turn over. The rest just laid there looking at the ceiling. They cried a lot. Sometimes they reached over for the only toys they were given—cloth napkins and the lids of plastic food containers.