Free Undiscovered Gyrl: The novel that inspired the movie ASK ME ANYTHING (Vintage Contemporaries) by Allison Burnett

your own selfish needs?”
    “You got it, pal.”
    “I guess we’re both narcissists then.”
    “No way! I hate my stomach way too much!”
    “Shut up. You have a beautiful body.”
    I pinched my pooch and told him I was going to get liposuction.
    He howled with laughter.
    “It’s as tight as a snare drum!”
    He’s wrong.
    We discussed narcissism for a long time. He said it doesn’t mean being in love with yourself, the way most people think. He said that Narcissus in Greek mythology was in love with his own reflection in a pool of water. An image of himself. Which is different. In other words narcissists fall in love with how they think the world sees them. I didn’t really get it, so Dan used me and Rory as an example. He said I go out with Rory because I like seeing myself the way he sees me. I use him like a pond of water or a big living mirror. Rory’s idea of me feeds my starving ego. If I truly loved myself I wouldn’t need him for this.
    Normally I would have been offended, because what he said was pretty insulting, but I could tell he wasn’t judging me. How could he? He suffers from the same condition. I told him he was right. I basically only see Rory when I feel like shit because I know he’ll tell me how beautiful and sexy I am. And in bed what turns me on is not that he’s a good lover. It’s that he gets so turned on! I love that my body drives him insane. I feel like a porn star or something. My bad mood goes away.
    “But not for very long, right?”
    “Maybe an hour.”
    “There you go.”
    We smiled at each other.
    This was the first time we’d ever had a really serious conversation about our lives. Usually he just teaches me about film and I ask insightful questions. I crawled over and kissedhim. When it started to get hot again, he got scared and pushed me onto my side. We spooned for a while not talking.
    Finally I said, pretty much to myself, not really expecting an answer “I wonder why my self-esteem is so shitty.”
    “Considering your relationship with your dad, it would be a miracle if it weren’t.”
    I rolled over and looked him in the eye, because this was important. “There’s something I’ve never told you. Besides being a stingy asshole, my dad’s also the world’s worst alcoholic. He has cirrhosis. He’s going to die from it soon and he’s only fifty-four.”
    What a stare he gave me.
    I laughed and said “I know what that look means. It means you’re going to tell me to stop drinking again.”
    He didn’t deny it. I pretended to slap him. He caught my hand and kissed my fingers. Then we made out some more. Then he tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear. The way he gazed at me you’d swear he was madly in love.
    “If I’d met you when I was in college,” he said, “I would have worshiped you just like Rory does. I would have been a jealous maniac too.”
    “You mean you don’t worship me now?”
    “I cherish you. It’s different.”
    “Better?”
    “Much. The thing about being put on a pedestal is you take one step and you fall face-first in the mud.”
    God, I love brains.
    Compared to Dan, Rory is a full-fledged dunce.
    After we washed the dishes, Dan filled the bong and put on a French film called
The Grand Highway.
It was absolutely enchanting. Every action in the movie, even the simplest things like fishing, meant so much more than the obvious. (The symbol for Jesus Christ is the fish.) But then as usual the pot kicked in and the whole room started spinning. I thought “What the hell, I might never see him again.” So I crawled off the couch, knelt down, unbuttoned his jeans and gave him the longest, most amazing blow job in the history of French cinema. He laid there afterwards smiling at the ceiling and said “This might be the greatest date ever.”
    Yay! I agree!
    When I got home, my mom and Mark Aubichon had just gotten back from a party. They looked at me funny, probably because of my beard-burned face and stoned happy eyes. I ran