Free Without You Here by Carter Ashby Page A

Stan said.
    Wyatt snorted. "That too. But twenty-two is way too young. I mean, she's Blake's age. That's just too young. And I just couldn't do that to Amberlee. I'm not ready...I mean, I'll never be ready for that. I'm waiting to be with Amberlee again. That's how it should be."
    "You know damn well that's not how it should be. She put that in your head and you, for some reason, won't let it go. Sounds to me like you need to get your shit together and call up this girl before she gets away from you."
    "I appreciate the advice," he said drily.
    "Wyatt, you've put your life on hold for too long as it is. We've all been worried sick about you, especially your son and your mother. Let go and let yourself be happy again. Let yourself imagine your life with this girl you like so much. It wouldn't take very much at all to get yourself ready for her."
    Wyatt swallowed and pointedly kept his eyes on the skyline. "What would it take?" he asked hesitantly. "What would I need to do?"
    "I think you know. You know you need to start packing up Amberlee's things. Stop disappearing for long periods of time, spending nights at her grave, drinking, whatever it is you do. Start living in the here and now."
    "She wanted me to bring her here. This is Amberlee's home, I can't—“
    "Then make it your home again. Make it yours. Because Amberlee doesn't need it anymore. Make it your own and then bring that girl here."
    Wyatt swallowed down the lump of pain and panic that suddenly filled his throat.
    "Wyatt, maybe Mom and Diane are right. Maybe you should talk to that therapist."
    At this, Wyatt burst into laughter. "For fuck's sake. Et tu Stan? My own brother?"
    "It's just what you're going through seems extreme. And it kind of seems like you don't know how to get out of it."
    Wyatt just shook his head.
    "They have support groups, too—“
    "For God's sake."
    "...and you could get some ideas about how people deal with their loved one's things. How they get to the point where they can, you know, sleep with someone else. It might help."
    "Would you ever go to a fucking support group?"
    "Yeah," Stan said without hesitation. "If my own, macho brother, who was brought up by Major Dad, and taught never to acknowledge his own emotions, came to me and told me I needed to get help...I think I'd take his suggestion seriously."
    Wyatt shook his head again. There was no way in the fiery blazes of hell that he was stepping foot in a psychiatrist's office. But maybe Stan was right about putting away some of Amberlee's things. Maybe if he started small. Like the vase of fake flowers on the table. They were all dusty, but he'd kept them there for her because she'd wanted everything left the way she had it. He didn't know how to get the dust off without moving them and then not being able to put them back the right way. This sounded crazy even to him. So maybe he would start with that.
    But when he went inside that night, he stood there staring at the ugly flowers. He couldn't seem to reach out and touch them, let alone move them. To do so would take away a little piece of his wife. And if he took away enough pieces of her, then it would be just like she'd said. He would forget all about her.
    He couldn't do it. So he went to his room and opened up the closet. Maybe he could pack up some of her clothes. He could acknowledge that it was truly ridiculous to keep using that closet space for her clothes. Unfortunately, the minute he removed a dress from the hanger, he felt sick and desperate; he heard her words coming back to him, saw her dying eyes pleading with him.
    He quickly put the dress back on the hanger and hung it up. The panic subsided. He took a breath. "You have to do this," he muttered. "You can't keep going on like this." He thought of Ettie and how heartbroken she'd been when they'd said goodbye. Maybe he could just organize Amberlee's clothes. Sort them out.
    He started moving them around, putting the dresses that were just worn out and useless off to