Free Unraveled by Dani Matthews

moment and remind myself that I need
to answer as honestly as I can or Noah isn't ever going to realize I can't be
the person he wants me to be. “You mean what drew me to him?” I ask.
    “Yes.”
    I shrug. “He
doesn't care what others think. He does his own thing and doesn't try to be
something he's not.”
    “What else?”
    “I like his
attention. He's...” I pause, trying to figure out how to say this tactfully
without ticking Noah off. I want to say that I'm obviously extremely attracted
to him but I nix that. “He's attractive and fun to be around.”
    Noah studies
me. “He's your first boyfriend, right?”
    “What of
it?”
    He shakes
his head at my tone. “Relax, I'm not trying to insinuate anything. I'm just
trying to understand what his appeal is to you.” He sits back in his chair and
watches me as he continues, “You say you've done bad things with him. Did you
like doing these bad things with him? Is that part of his appeal as well?”
    My lips
purse as my eyes drop and I study the glass of lemonade in front of me. I
definitely enjoy the drugs even though they're bad. The convenience
store...well, obviously that is the one thing I never wish I'd been a part of.
    Instead of
pushing me to answer, Noah is patiently silent as he picks up his cigarette and
smokes while he waits.
    Finally, I
sigh loudly and opt for the truth, or as much as I am willing to give him when
it comes to it. “Cole's life is...different than what I am used to. He's been
involved with stuff. I've...done stuff I didn't think I ever would.”
    “Like what?”
    I meet his
gaze and decide it's time to throw it all out there. I have no choice. I can't
have Noah following me around and trying to mold me into someone I could never
be. This is where we need to part ways and I need to make it clear I'm not
worth any of this.
    “Like
drugs,” I say simply as I watch him closely.
    Noah stares
long and hard at me. “Drugs?” he repeats softly.
    “I've done
acid and crack to name a few. Ecstasy is my favorite.”
    He draws in
a deep breath and sets the cigarette down on the ashtray, his expression
unreadable. “How often do you do these drugs?”
    “As often as
I can.”
    “Why?”
    “Because
it's fun. Because for a little while, I don't have to be me.”
    Noah falls
silent, his brown eyes on me. “So that's what you do with Cole? Drugs and sex?”
    “Don't forget
the alcohol,” I toss in off handedly. It's impossible to read Noah's thoughts
and I have no clue where this conversation will take us.
    His lips
tighten slightly. “Has Cole pressured you into these things? Did he pressure
you into sex?”
    “No, of
course not,” I say instinctively, though Cole had been pushy over that one but
in the end I'd given up my virginity of my own free will.
    “And drugs?”
    I sigh.
“Sometimes,” I say truthfully.
    Noah rubs a
hand over his jaw and he is clearly processing what I've told him. “What about
the abuse? Did you look past it because he was the one who got you high when
you wanted it?”
    This is
where the conversation is going to start getting tough. I know he's going to
ask me about the cutting and I've decided to tell him about my aunt and uncle
as long as he swears not to tell Tate. But at this point, I'm scared to go
there with him.
    “He didn't
hurt me very often. It didn't seem like that big of a deal.”
    “Tell me
this. What else do you guys do when you’re together? Do you actually have a
relationship besides the drugs and sex?”
    “What do you
mean?”
    “Does he
ever sit down and talk to you like you and I are talking? Has he ever been
concerned at all over your actions or how you're feeling? Does it bother him
when you're upset or does he focus more on himself and what he wants?”
    I fall
silent and pick up my glass to take a sip. I know where he's going with this
and I'm not sure if I'm bothered by the truth or not. As usual, Noah waits me
out and I sigh. “We talk but not like this,” I admit