Free Through the Deep Waters by Kim Vogel Sawyer

then she would be worthy of forming friendships.

Dinah
    After only three days of working at the Clifton Hotel, Dinah settled into an easy routine. Rise early, wash, twist her hair into a coil, don her black dress and full-length white pinafore apron, then join others in the staff dining room off the kitchen to eat a delicious breakfast. Mr. Gindough, the hotel chef, cooked as well as Rueben, but she wouldn’t tell her friend so in the letter she planned to send as soon as she had time to sit down and write.
    After eating, she collected fresh linens from the laundry room, retrieved her basket of cleaning items from the closet, and went to work. Even cleaning the rooms followed a pattern. First strip and remake the bed, then wash the pitcher and bowl, dust or scrub every surface depending on what it needed, sweep the floor, and dispose of rubbish.
    When every room was clean and ready for the next guest, she remained in the chambermaids’ small sitting room near the front desk and listened for what Ruthie called the “beckon-me bell,” which meant one of the guests had need of something—a cup of tea, an extra pillow, a newspaper … She never knew what might be requested, but she was expected to respond quickly and adequately. She did her best not to disappoint the guests or Mr. Irwin.
    And she did her best to hold herself aloof from the other staff members, which proved to be the most difficult of the tasks. After a lifetime of people turning up their noses at her, she now lived among a group who seemed too willing to accept her unquestioningly. Their friendliness ignited a deep desire to be part of them, but oddly it also frightened her. She wanted to join in the chatter at the lunch counter, to tease with the busboys and blush at the flirtatiouscomments the railroad men threw at the girls the way the others did. They were all so relaxed and unfettered and carefree.
    But the years of living in the Yellow Parrot had stolen the carefree from her. When the busboys teased or the railroad men flirted, Dinah’s insides rolled. When the girls formed a talkative circle, whether laughing or serious, Dinah tensed. She didn’t know how to lightheartedly chat or tease or flirt. As much as she wanted to belong, she knew she didn’t. Because she wasn’t like them. So she kept her distance, fearful she’d accidentally share the secrets of her past and let everyone know just how different she really was.
    On Saturday, rather than eating her turkey sandwich at the counter with the others, she took her plate to the chambermaids’ sitting room. The pale blue-and-green-striped wallpaper, white wicker chairs, and clusters of potted plants filling the corners gave the little windowless room an airy, porch-like feel. Dinah appreciated the Harveys for making every part of the hotel and restaurant—even the parts only occupied by staff—cheery and comfortable. She sat in one of the chairs, draped a napkin across the skirt of her pinafore, and then placed the plate in her lap.
    As she lifted the thick sandwich to her mouth, Ruthie entered the room. Ruthie held a plate in one hand and a glass of frothy milk in the other. As usual, she was humming a merry tune. When she spotted Dinah, she smiled and plopped into the second chair.
    “I wondered where you’d gone. I hope I’m not intruding, but the counter was too noisy for me today. A host of men from the town came in, all excited about a cow auction, and their loud voices gave me a headache.”
    How could Ruthie look so happy if she had a headache? Although curious, Dinah didn’t ask. Ruthie set the glass of milk on the ridiculously tiny table between the chairs and lowered her plate to her lap. She bowed her head and closed her eyes, just as she did at bedtime. Dinah watched out of the corner of her eye, wondering about Ruthie’s strange habit of praying. She’d noticed several others following the same practice in the breakfast room. She considered pretending to pray just so she