Free Crank by Ellen Hopkins Page B

You know?
    * *
    I'm sorry about that phone call.
    I didn't mean to upset you.
    I was at the end of a three-day binge.
    Too long without food and sleep.
    Your brain starts to play tricks. You know?
    285
     
    I do love you, Kristina.
     
     
    You were a summer gift, one I'll always tre
    asure.
     
     
    You were a dream I never wanted to wake
    up from.
     
     
    You opened my eyes to things I'll never rea
    lly see.
     
     
    You're the best thing that will ever happen
    to me.
     
    * *
     
    Be safe. Be smart. Stay you.
     
    * *
     
    Adam
     
    286
     
     
     
    Why
    Was Everyone
     
    suddenly worried about my IQ?
    I sank into my
    down
    pillow-top, reread every word
    twenty times, right down to his signature.
    Adam had a poet's soul.
    I put the letter down and considered crying, wondering how loving
    him could bring me so far down, wondering how to stop
    loving him, wondering
    if the monster would soon
    let me come down.
    287
     
     
     
    I Did Cry
    Then
     
    Climb-and-dive on the crank coaster,
    I unlocked my heart, let the hurt out.
    And then, like he was listening at the keyhole, Chase called.
    (He even asked for Kristina.)
     
    Hey, sweetheart. Just
    checkin'
     
     
    U
    p on ya. You okay?
     
    Let's see. Speedin'. Wantin' tobacco.
    Cryin' over a guy I thought I was over.
    Probably going to start my period--just in time to encourage a few new zits right before school started. "Fine."
     
    Really? You don't sound fine.
     
     
    Can I make you feel better?
     
    I told you he was intuitive. Even
    if he wasn't the type I could
    bring home to Mother. Yes,
    I liked Chase Wagner.
     
    I'd sing to you but I'm pretty
     
     
    sure that wouldn't
    help.
     
    288
    I jumped into his well of ever-present
    cheerfulness, gulped deeply, laughed out loud. We talked until
    Scott needed to use the phone.
     
    You probably won't sleep
     
     
    much tonight. Think of me
     
     
    once or twice?
     
    At least. I hung up, feeling much less
    alone. Pulled out my journal and started to write. Wrote all night.
    The monster and I had a lot to say.
    289
     
     
     
    C
    hase Was Right
     
    I didn't sleep much that
    night and not for the next
    day or three afterward, either.
    Sarah invited me
    over,
    I told her I felt under the weather, both to escape inevitable
    questions
    demanding uneasy
    answers and to consider my
    options.
    290
    possibility number
    one,
    Chase, likely; two,
    Brendan, maybe; three, someone altogether new.
    Who knew?
    291
     
     
     
    I
    Had to Pick Up
     
    my student I.D. card so I bummed a ride from Chase, told Mom I was going with Sarah.
    * *
    It was the first time in a long time I'd out and out
    lied and it bothered me. For about five minutes.
    * *
    I walked down to the 7-Eleven to wait for Chase, anticipation rumbling in my empty gullet.
    * *
    The sight of his red Toyota pickup brought a smile to my lips--and more, inside.
    * *
    We shared a seat, we shared a smoke, we shared a kiss or several.
    * *
    At school, Chase waited with me in some long
    lines. Yearbook. Class schedule. Student body card.
    * *
    I even smiled for the camera. I had to, with Chase
    checking out my student body, grinning like a toad.
    * *
    Back in the truck, more kisses and a cigarette of my
    own (pilfered from his pack, pilfered from his mom).
    292
    He dropped me off around the corner from my house, gave me a stick of gum and a big, wet good-bye kiss.
    * *
    It might have been the perfect day except just as I closed the door, Scott happened to drive by.
    * *
    I learned a valuable lesson about lie construction and Mom gave me plenty of time to consider
    how to do it better.
    293
     
     
     
    G
    UFN Again
     
    I
    sat on my bed, absentmindedly
    tracing the lopsided
    heart-shaped scar, didn't
    read, didn't write. All I did was think about my personal
    evolution. Where did I
    belong with my relative innocence
    gone? Where did I fit?
    I felt like I had fallen in
    to
    a critical state of limbo.
    With my old friends mired in status quo, how could I explain
    my
    summer