Free Crank by Ellen Hopkins

for
     
     
    Bless my beard they aye shall be
     
     
    My beloved Trinity.
     
    * *
    No mirrors, no blades, Chase reached
    deep inside a pocket, withdrew an amber bottle with a tiny spoon attached to the lid. He set it on his knee.
    * *
     
    Hey, you're shaking. You're not
     
     
    scared, are you? We don't have
    to do this, do anything at all. We
     
     
    can just sit and talk if you want.
     
    268
    "I'm not afraid, Chase." Not of him.
    Not with him. In fact, I felt quite safe.
    It was monster desire that made me
    tremble. Chase noticed.
    * *
     
    Take it easy with this stuff, Bree.
     
     
    It brings even good people to their
    knees. Don't get me wrong. I
    like it, too. Just keep cool.
     
    269
     
     
     
    One
    Spoon
     
    I was cool.
    Two, I was too
    cool. Three, sub-Arctic. Four, my mouth hit
    monster mode.
    Chase could barely
    keep up. We talked
    about:
    * *
     
    Good girls
    Bad boys
     
     
    Smothering moms
    Indifferent moms
     
     
    Disappointing fathers
    Obnoxious fathers
     
     
    Stepfathers--one
    Stepfathers--three
     
     
    Annoying little brothers
    Brothers with very big footsteps
     
     
    Summer trips
    Boring summers at home
     
     
    Junior years
    Senior years
     
     
    Early graduation
    College boards
     
     
    Cheerleaders
    Football players
     
     
    Artists
    Poets
     
     
    Tattoos
    Piercings
     
     
    Ex-boyfriends
    Ex-girlfriends
     
     
    Dreams
    Doubts
     
    270
     
    Punishments
    Loneliness
     
     
    Old friends
    New friends
     
     
    Gay friends
    Lost friends
     
     
    Desire
    Addiction
     
     
    The monster
    More monster
     
     
    Kristina
    Bree
     
    271
     
     
     
    I
    Had to Explain
     
    about Bree/me; by then, he had
    already asked to kiss
    me, and I let him because I really
    wanted him to, and it wasn't my
    first kiss
    nothing like that one, in fact, maybe it wasn't
    even my
    best kiss but it was pretty
    fine, and the fact
    that he had asked
    will forever make
    that kiss
    272
    stand out in my
    mind, touch my
    heart, make me
    remember a kiss so tender it made me cry.
    He held me then, smoothed my hair and I asked him to kiss me again and he did, over and over, until
    I thought we might
    melt together, fused by kisses.
    273
     
     
     
    In
    That Quite Hot Moment
     
    a park ranger cruised by, took a good, long look.
     
    Maybe we'd better go
    .
     
    "I should get back anyway.
    My mom will wonder if I don't
    spend enough of her money."
     
    Ha, ha. I can always
    help.
     
    As we drove away, he pulled me
    close, rested his hand on my knee, shifted between my legs.
     
    Can I see you again?
     
    "Any time, Chase." Any time.
    How weird was that? A few months
    back I would have said no way.
     
    Soon?
     
    As soon as I could break away from
    Mom's watchful eye. Chase sure
    wasn't her type. Was he really mine?
     
    I
    like you, Kristina.
     
    "I like you, too." I did. He was nothing like I had imagined.
    He was bright, intuitive.
     
    Or do I like Bree?
     
    274
    Even if he did ask hard questions.
    Jetting on the monster in spectacular
    fashion, I didn't know how to answer.
     
    Doesn't matter. What's in a name?
     
     
    That which we call a rose by any
     
     
    other word would smell as sweet.
     
    Chase Wagner and Bill Shakespeare.
    Talk about your strange bedfellows.
    I was in line for that ménage à trois.
    275
     
     
     
    Chase
    Wanted to Walk Around the Mall
     
    with me, but I knew I wouldn't get much
    shopping done if I went on a kissing
    spree. A word of advice:
    * *
    Never shop on crank.
    Your brain moves beyond the speed of light as you wander through a familiar store. First, you can't find Juniors.
    * *
    Once you finally do, you need the restroom first, then you get all turned around again.
    Then, you can barely take it all in. Sizes. Styles.
    * *
    Colors. Trends.
    Everything looks great on those goofy mannequins, so it's got to look
    better on you, right? You grab an armful, stumble to a
    * *
    dressing room, try on all those darling clothes and nothing you like fits. So you leave silk and velour and suede