Free Starring Me by Krista McGee

lady?
    Ooh, an old lady. That might be fun. I could be like, “Hey there, little missy. Have you seen my dentures? I’m going out to dinner with Gomer tonight. That’s right. All the ladies want him, but he’s mine. All mine. Only seventy-nine years old, with a head full of hair and only one hip replacement. He’s taking me to the all-you-can-eat buffet at Bubba’s Diner. They have the best cornbread. Mmmm-mmmm. I can’t wait to sink my teeth into that. But first, I’ve gotta find my teeth. Where are they?”
    I don’t know. That may not be politically correct. Or what they’re looking for. Maybe they want something more modern. Hip. Maybe I should be a gangster. I can get my swagger on, pull one pant leg up. “Yo, wassup. You know, I’m just here looking to get me another sick tat. I got a picture of my mom on this arm. A picture of my homey over here. Now it’s time to get something written in some other language on my neck. Right here. Something like, ‘Don’t you wish you could read what this says?’ Or ‘That’s right, I got a tat on my neck so you know I’m scary.’ Yeah. That would be wicked sick, yo.”
    That’s not going to work. No one will buy me as a gangster. Not unless I am an Irish gangster. (Laughs) Right. So not modern. What else? Futuristic? It can be 2345. “The earth has been destroyed by mutant hedgehogs. That’s right, hedgehogs. While everyone else was worried about nuclear war, alien invasions, and Texas-sized meteorites, a group of hedgehogs dug a home underneath a super-secret NASA testing facility. While the scientists were testing ways to grow plants on the moon, their chemicals leaked down through the dirt, into the hedgehogs’ lair. The chemicals changed the hedgehogs’ DNA, giving them superpowers. But they were evil, and they wanted to use their powers to rid the earth of all humans, making it a haven for mutant hedgehogs. But then, one day . . .”
    Forget it. That’s really dumb. Man, this is hard. If they just gave me something to work with. I can’t come up with something out of thin air. “Write a monologue.” Well, you know what? I can’t. I’m sorry. I give up. (She throws the paper away and exits)

Chapter 11
    T o Kara McKormick, next big star.” Kara’s brother Joey lifted his glass of sparkling grape juice into the air. Dozens of McKormicks joined him in the toast, all cheering and splashing juice around the dining room.
    “Sit, everybody.” Pop herded his large family into the living room. A blended family, Ma and Pop each had two children when they met and married almost thirty years before. Two more children followed. Kara was the youngest of the six and enjoyed that position in the family immensely. She loved that she had nieces and nephews just a few years younger than she, and she loved that when everyone was together, her house was so full it threatened to explode at the seams.
    “Kara, are you nervous?” her sister Mary asked.
    “A little, I guess.” Kara reached for Mary’s nine-month-old daughter, Ruth Ann. “But more excited than nervous.”
    “We’ll sure miss you.” Kara’s brother Sam squeezed himself between Kara and Mary. Sam was twenty-seven—closest in age to Kara. “Who am I gonna tease now that you’re gone? Little Ruthie Ann is too small. Right, little lady?” Sam pinched Ruth Ann’s cheeks and the baby reached for her uncle with a smile. “She knows who loves her.”
    “Hey.” Kara grabbed for her niece. “Always taking what’s mine. Some things never change.”
    Ma walked to Kara. “You two fighting again?”
    “He started it.” Kara pointed to Sam.
    Mary laughed. “We may have to send some siblings down every once in a while to check up on you.”
    “All right.” Kara smiled. “But in birth order.”
    “So I’m last?” Sam bounced Ruth Ann on his knee. “Where’s the love?”
    “My little Kara.” Pop nudged Sam over on the couch so he could sit next to her. “I’m going to miss you.”
    Ma