Free Beyond Reason by Karice Bolton

assholes.”
    “I never said any of them were,” I replied, my gaze falling back on his.
    “That’s exactly what I mean,” his voice lowered and his blue eyes darkened. “You put up with shit you shouldn’t have. You’re better than that, Lily.”
    I felt the heat from his gaze as he waited for me to respond. But what was I supposed to say to that? I did happen to run into my fair share of scumbags, yet I was always the one making the excuses for them. I guess I felt it was my fault for falling for them in the first place.
    “Listen, I’m not going to start picking on some guy I dated in high school who I know absolutely nothing about once he hit drinking age. Having a conversation about him in any sort of context is actually embarrassing because I doubt he’s in Utah giving me the time of day. I left him in a cowardly way. He deserved better than what I gave him. So maybe in some instances, I do deserve better, but when it comes to him, he deserved better.”
    Ayden pulled his chair closer to mine, and I felt the cool touch of his fingers as he enclosed my hands, bringing them toward him, not moving his gaze from mine.
    “I know you haven’t told anyone what it is that you two experienced that makes you think you should carry around this guilt, but maybe if you did confide in someone, it would make you feel better. I’m not saying I’m that person, but I think someone should be.”
    My heart fluttered into overdrive as I realized I was on the verge of admitting something to him that I hadn’t told a soul about. Ever. The only people who knew what we went through were Austin, me, and our parents. That was it.
    I let out a deep breath but felt the weight still pressing heavily on my chest.
    “I want you to be happy, Lily. Whether that’s with Austin or some farmer in Montana, but the only way that can happen is if you forgive yourself and let go,” his voice was steady and comforting. “Whether we know what the reason is or not, everything always happens for a reason.”
    I started chuckling, and his expression turned to complete bewilderment. “Sorry. I’ve just heard that phrase twice tonight.”
    “Maybe the universe wasn’t sure you heard the first time.” A smile broke onto his lips and the tension began to fade. He brought my hands up to his lips and gave them a soft, gentle kiss, and somehow, it felt like the most passionate kiss I’d ever experienced.
    And it was on my knuckles!
    A few moments of silence passed between us as I let what happened settle over me. It was just a quick kiss on the knuckles. I was sure he didn’t think anything about it. I was sure of it. Besides, he had someone’s number in his pocket. This was a complete friendship kiss, and if not, I knew exactly what would kill that switch. I crossed one leg over the other and noticed his gaze drop and run up my leg. Maybe the kiss wasn’t so innocent. Who knew, but I was on the verge of finally telling someone about my past—not the candy-coated version, either—and that ought to stop whatever thoughts were getting miscommunicated.
    “So, Austin and I only had a few more months before high school graduation. It was like constant party mode. For once in my life, I no longer cared about school. I was all about friends and parties. Having fun was my one and only concern. And most of that fun included Austin and someone else. Someone I cared deeply for, my first boyfriend.”
    “I thought Austin was your first boyfriend?” Ayden asked.
    I shook my head. “My first boyfriend was actually Jake. We’d gone together from sophomore year on. He taught me what love meant. We did everything together, but senior year things started to change. He started to change. I wasn’t sure what to make of it, but at that age I took everything personally. I thought it was me, but then he distanced himself from his other friends. When he backed away from his friendship with Austin, I knew something was wrong. By the time he broke up with me, I