Free Center Ice by Cate Cameron

asking for five minutes, and he nodded reluctantly. I knew he was just hoping to get rid of my father.
    We made our way out to the parking lot where my dad leaned against his SUV and said, “I want you to start taking supplements.”
    “I already take supplements,” I said cautiously. “Vitamins, and the protein shakes, and—”
    “Not that kind,” he said impatiently.
    I stared at him and let the idea sink into my brain. “You want me to take steroids ? Is that what you’re saying?” He just stared at me. “Jesus, dad, that’s insane! They test us, you know. Random testing. They suspend players. And you know that steroids stunt growth, right? You want me to grow more, you shouldn’t be pushing that shit at me.”
    “Bullshit.” His voice was clipped. “I’ve talked to some people, and there’s ways around all that. You can’t think nobody else is doing it. Don’t even pretend that some of your teammates in there aren’t on the juice…”
    “Yeah, some of them are,” I admitted reluctantly. “The desperate ones.”
    “Well maybe it’s time you got a little more desperate . You’re not big enough, you’re not fast enough, you’re definitely not working hard enough… You need to pick it up, boy.”
    It was strange how I wasn’t allowed to suggest that maybe I didn’t have the size for the NHL, but it was fine for him to do it. And the steroids were just a new wrinkle in a fabric that was already crumpled up in a dirty ball. “I’ll work harder,” I said. “I can add another few reps to my weight training, maybe.”
    “You could stop running,” he said firmly.
    I had no idea why I was hanging on to the running as tightly as I was. Partly for Karen, I guess—I was looking forward to seeing her again and wasn’t sure where else we’d meet up. But also for me. I liked the way I felt when I was running. I wasn’t in a race, wasn’t trying to beat a time… I was just running, covering ground because I could.
    I knew what my dad expected; he expected me to do the same thing I always had. I’d argue at first, but he’d keep at me, and eventually I’d give in. He didn’t care about the running itself, he just wanted to be sure he was still in charge. It was driving him crazy that I hadn’t caved yet, and I knew he was just going to keep up the pressure until I did.
    But I thought about Karen, her body strong and quick as it darted through the forest, and I thought about myself and how good it felt to do something just for me, and I said, “I’ll drink the shakes. The nutritionist said more calories, not less exercise.”
    My dad shook his head in disgust. “I am about out of patience with this shit, Tyler.”
    I didn’t really know what to say to that.
    “I’m going to ask around. See if I can get some samples or something.”
    “Of steroids?” I shook my head. “Dad, seriously, they test us all the time. You think the scouts are going to want someone who’s been busted for juicing?”
    “No steroids?” He stepped in closer, right into my space, and said, “Then you’re done running outside. You want to run, you do sprints and intervals on the goddamn treadmill, you don’t go for a jog in the goddamn woods. You’re acting like a little kid. This is your job , Tyler. It’s your life , a chance to go somewhere and do something.”
    “Yeah, it’s my life,” I responded. I understood the steroids, now—he wasn’t actually expecting me to take them, just using them as a threat to get me to knuckle under. “I have to get back in there—the coach gave me five minutes, and I don’t want him to think I’m taking advantage.”
    I started for the building. I heard him coming up behind me, and I lengthened my stride. “The running is over , Tyler. As of now. You hear me?”
    Yeah, I heard him. And I knew there was no point in arguing. But I didn’t think I was going to listen to him.

Chapter Nine
    - Karen -
    The doctor gave me painkillers, and I was able to pretend that I