Free The Dark Lake by Anthea Carson

kids if she didn't straighten up her act.
    The patience of my moderator never ceased to amaze me. I could actually see myself doing his job. It was a thought that made me regret, once again, that I had never finished high school. I even thought about taking my G ED and going on to college. But it was just a thought.
    We had a handout we read. It had a lot of interesting things in it , like how to appropriately assess your values.
    It made me ask myself, “How did I assess my values?” I was deep in thought about this, so deep in fact that I had to be called on twice when it was my turn to share about it, just like when I was in elementary school.
    "Oh me? Um, yeah. I've actually been thinking about that. I appreciate the question. I wonder. Something seems to be really wrong with my values. My priorities. It's like I don't have any?” I don't know why I formed this as a question.
    "Would you like to elaborate on that?"
    "Sure, sure, uh … Well, I know I'd really like to get a job. And keep it. But then I do things…"
    "Like what?"
    "Well, like what got me here in the first place…"
    "I know what ya mean,” Angela interrupted . "I got the same problem, like my husband Jerry? He won't get off his ass and look for a job. He sits around playin' video games all day. And I got a two-year-old kid still in diapers …"
    "Jane? Would you like to expand on –"
    "And he tells me the other day, he tells me —when I was just coming in the door—that he don't think it's a good use of his time to look for a job. I said a good use of your time? You got to be kidding me!"
    "I can't get a break here,” I interjected.
    Angela looked at me, her eyes popping a little bit, just taking a few seconds from her diatribe to notice my insolence it seemed.
    "He asked me the…"
    "How dare you, lady? I paid just as much money to be here as you did and I—” Her head swayed side to side in little rhythmic jerks.
    "I have not even had a chance to speak. He asked me about my priorities —"
    "I am not gonna take this shit from her —" said Angela.
    "My priority is to get the fuck outta here —” said a woman—Lou, I think her name was—who rarely spoke at all. "Can we get this shit on the road?"
    "I'm trying to —" I tried to say.
    "All I know is I don't wanna sit here and listen to you two argue it out any more ; I'm sick of listening to you—" said Lou.
    The moderator said nothing, except that it was time to go.
    I didn't mind the classes, even with these interchanges. They broke up the week for me. I felt busier and more productive at least. On Mondays and Thursdays I had therapy, on Tuesday s Anger Management, on Wednesdays AA, and on Fridays I had to drive to Milwaukee for my probation appointment. That one I hated.
    It was downtown during peak traffic, and I had trouble finding my way around. Then I had to pay for parking, and it was a lot of quarters, and it looked like I might have to run out and fee d the meter during the session.
    Her office was on the third floor. I took the stairs to avoid any potential problems, like the elevator getting stuck or something.
    Then when I met her I was shocked by her behavior.
    "The sun's in my eyes, could I close the blinds?” I said as I stood up to close them for her. You'd have thought I pulled a gun on her.
    "I'll get my own blinds, thank you.” She stood up, ready to knock me down. I sat back in my chair, blown back.
    "What'd I do? Nothing? I don't get it."
    "You seem very nervous. What is the matter with you?"
    "Nothing. I just don't get why you got so upset when I got up to close the blinds. I mean … I was just trying to help."
    "I am not the one who is upset. I was never upset," she yelled.
    "Oh, ok ay,” I said.
    "What's the eye-roll about?" she asked.
    "Nothing."
    "You need to calm down," she shouted.
    "Okay I will!” I nearly shouted myself.
    On my way out of there , I was literally shaking. "What'd I do?” I kept muttering to myself. And then when I got to my car it turned